IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Health experts claim that walking is the best exercise. However, people are walking less on a daily basis

#health #experts #exercise #people #basis
Walking is the best way for
people
 to get rid of many health problems. Walking affects
people
's health in many ways. In my opinion, I believe that the advantages of walking outweigh the disadvantages.
However
, in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss the
reasons
 why
people
 do not walk today and
finally
Add a comma
,finally
show examples
 I will suggest encouraging
people
 to walk.
On the other hand
, critics may point out that one of the most significant drawbacks of less walking is an increase in certain health problems. Chorostol, diabetics and
people
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 obese.
This
 is because their body gets less exercise. There are other
reasons
 why
people
 don't like walking. Most importantly,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
,
workplace
Fix the agreement mistake
workplaces
show examples
, shops and hospitals are far away from their homes.
In addition
, a large number of
people
 use vehicles. For that reason,
people
 use their own vehicles to travel short distances.
For example
, the newspaper in Australia noted that car users have increased while the predecessors of the modern world have decreased.
On the other hand
, nowadays
people
 are used to a very busy life. So he goes to work in the morning and comes back home in the evening.
Therefore
, they lead a tiring lifestyle. For
this
reason
Add a comma
,reason
show examples
proples
Correct your spelling
peoples
people
 do not like to walk.
Therefore
,
people
 use vehicles to travel. There are many solutions to the above problems. The
first
 solution is that we can park within walking distance of shops, schools, hospitals and shopping centres.
Second
, we can create a park with walking lines. Encouraging
people
 to walk even when they have leisure time. Of course, we can broadcast ads about the benefits of walking. In my own opinion, I think walking is a good habit for
people
 to do their prime time. Nowadays
people
 do not like to vulji for many
reasons
. But for those
reasons
Add a comma
,reasons
show examples
 we can provide a good solution.
Submitted by harshijayalath97 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: