IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is better for the students to live away from the home during their university studies rather than staying with their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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While
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 some people think that
students
Use synonyms
 ought to live alone during their tertiary education, it is believed by others that it is better for them to remain living at home. In my opinion,
students
Use synonyms
 benefit from living alone in certain ways like
they become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 independent and learning how to manage their expenses. First and foremost, one of the main reasons why it is beneficial for pupils to live away from their home is that they become totally self-dependent on their parents and able to think for themselves. To elaborate, the educational institution is a time for
students
Use synonyms
 to spread their wings
and
Correct word choice
apply
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try new ideas or ways of thinking and learn to cope with life-changing decisions.
For example
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, by living alone, without the interference of their parents, they develop rounder, decisive characters and are able to function well in the world.
Therefore
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, it is quite advantageous to live away from family
while
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 studying at university. Another merit of learners fleeing the parental nest is that they learn to manage money. Put simply, most
students
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 see the academy as a stepping stone to adulthood and so by learning to live on a budget, they develop the skills needed once they are earning a salary and balancing their finances.
For example
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, living in a rented property
also
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 comes with responsibilities for learners
such
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 as paying rent on time and many more, and
this
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further
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 helps in their upcoming lives for them.
Hence
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, residing away from home comes with so many responsibilities which makes a student a better person. In conclusion,
although
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 it might not be feasible for all
students
Use synonyms
, living away from their parents helps university mentees develop strength of character and useful life skills
such
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 as managing expenses needed for when they enter working lives.

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task achievement
Incorporate more diverse examples to support your points. Currently, the examples used fit well but are somewhat limited in scope.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has clear topic sentences to improve the logical flow. While the essay is generally well-organized, clearer topic sentences can enhance understanding for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The essay provides a strong introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
Ideas are clearly and comprehensively presented, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • diverse social environments
  • broader network
  • professional contacts
  • accommodation
  • financial burden
  • emotional support
  • psychological support
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • academic pressures
  • familial support system
  • distraction
  • focused study environment
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