In some places old age is valued , while other culture youth is consider more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many
people
think that in some societies , younger
people
as much vital as older one
while
others consider that older
also
take important role in society . In my perspective, I think that
both
are significant and will discuss points from
both
sides before on the other side , there are
people
who give more value to old individuals because of priceless experience they have. To precise , it is almost a proven fact that as
people
achieved, they learn more from their real life experiences . These lessons they have learned are valuaable for the younger generation if they are spread with them .
For instance
, children tend to get commen from our parents before they decide to do something
initially
. Another religions , in which old age communities are exceptional is in the case of transforming previous culture and heritage to their immediate generation, and
this
is inevitable for socially's identify . on the otherside , the younger person give more worth to the youth feel that are the backbone of the whole society . To be cleared , can you consider
this
group is more productive, and agile than their older counterparts .
Furthermore
, they can absorb information quickly throughout smart devices in modern era .
In addition
, youth are creativity which can adapt flexibility to the innovate ideas and they are put forward by firms and governments .
To sum up
, those countries which have a great population of young labours would naturally have enough opportunities to develop
both
socially and economically. After analyzing
both
sides in detail , I feel society needs
both
invaluable experience and service of the old ones . At the same time , it
also
requires a strong population productive workforce who can suit to the processing situations .
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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly with a distinct introduction that includes your thesis statement, body paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea, and a conclusion that summarizes your points and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction and conclusion. Both should clearly present your main argument and the conclusion should neatly wrap up your discussion, reinforcing your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is fully developed with specific examples. This will improve the support for your main points.
task achievement
To fully address the task, ensure you discuss both views equally before giving your opinion. Make sure your opinion is clear throughout the essay and especially in the conclusion.
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to express your ideas more precisely and variedly. This will also help to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging to read.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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