IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays getting a job is becoming harder in poor countries leading to a rise in unemployment. Some people believe that pupils should only be allowed to access primary education while others believe that secondary education is necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

To begin
Linking Words
 with,
under
Change preposition
apply
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developing countries like India, Pakistan, Nepal, and Bangladesh tend to have 70% of the unskilled population as compared to developed countries like
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom and
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 states most of the population is
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educated
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, smart and Intelligent. In my opinion, I agree that every country should encourage their population to have basic
education
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in a country like
India
Add a comma
,India
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 most of the people are uneducated and
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not have the access to basic
education
Use synonyms
.
Families
Use synonyms
 force their
children
Use synonyms
 to work at an early age to earn money to run their
families
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, most of the
children
Use synonyms
 will be seen working as house helps, in factories and in shops.
Secondly
Linking Words
, females living in villages are forced to get married at an early age so that they can only look after their
families
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 and
kins
Fix the agreement mistake
kin
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, they do not have the support from their own
families
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 to explore their interests towards activities like sports,
education
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, and
world
Correct article usage
the world
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, due to the advancement in
technology
Add a comma
,technology
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 most of the world is studying online via
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 on phones, laptops, and computers.
For example
Linking Words
, many online degrees like Udemy,
Byjus
Correct word choice
and Byjus
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 have taken over the
education
Use synonyms
 system where
in
Change preposition
apply
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children
Use synonyms
 get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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access to study material and a tutor.
Thus
Linking Words
, making lectures more feasible and accessible.
Moreover
Linking Words
, students learn how to crack the interviews with the help of YouTube resulting in getting a job.
Government
Add an article
The government
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 took several initiatives to help the weaker section of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society with schemes like mid-day meals and free
education
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 in government schools so that every kid is capable of being an entrepreneur or
to work
Change the verb form
working
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 in a
multi-national
Correct your spelling
multinational
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 firm. To Conclude, every child should be allowed to get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 basic
education
Use synonyms
, parents should encourage their
children
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 to explore what he/she likes to build
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 career in so that they know what they are best at. Child labour should be banned and fined. More the educated crowd the more the economy will bloom.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • literacy and numeracy skills
  • competitive job market
  • advanced knowledge and skills
  • versatile workforce
  • higher education
  • specialized training
  • economic development
  • skilled workforce
  • foreign investors
  • social outcomes
  • reduced crime rates
  • quality of life
  • informed decisions
  • financial constraints
  • diluting resources
  • government role
  • accessible and equitable education
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