Some think that governments should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There are numerous arguments for and against whether
retirees
should take the
responsibility Correct article usage
apply
of
themselves or should it be the Change preposition
for
government
responsibility to Change noun form
government's
financial
Replace the word
financially
support
them. In my opinion, though self-care promotes a culture of saving, it is government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
duty
to ensure part of their welfare and health with financial support
.
People who are opposed to government
financial support
are of the opinion that, the culture of saving rather than depending on the government
may boost the overall economic development of a country. In other words
, if people were to accumulate their savings for their pension age, it would lessen the financial burden on the government
, as
a result, the Correct word choice
and as
government
would be able to plan more funds for more productive purposes such
as,
Remove the comma
apply
development
of infrastructure, industries, hospitals, and so on, which might expedite the overall enhancement of a country.
Correct article usage
the development
Although
I recognize the legitimate merits to
the argument above, I would generally side with those who believe the Change preposition
of
government
should allocate part of its budget as a repayment to financial
Add an article
the financial
support
of
Change preposition
apply
retirees
in order to provide welfare and comfort. As retirees
age, those suffering from various disease
including, Parkinson, diabetes and osteoporosis, become Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
more needy
of monthly Replace the words
needier
checkup
. If their health is taken into consideration, the Fix the agreement mistake
checkups
government
should provide them more
comprehensive financing assistance, like health insurance, cheaper loans and expenses of care and nursing. Change preposition
with more
on the other hand
, it is said that all individuals are paying taxes for years because of their civic duty
and in
contrast
Add a comma
,contrast
the
Correct article usage
apply
government
duty
is included giving financial support
when needed especially after retirement.
In conclusion
، Add a comma
, conclusion
although
some believe that it is retirees
’ duty
to take care of themselves, others think government
should Add an article
the government
shoulders
the responsibility of retirement finance. It is predicted that in the future, due to financial fluctuations in the economy, the Change the verb form
shoulder
government
will not be able to allocate a significant amount of money to retirees
.Submitted by kazemifatemeh4 on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite