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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more prisons are being built to house the world's criminals, and many people believe long-term imprisonment is the answer to solving the crime problem. However, others feel that psychological assistance is what is required. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#prisons #house #world #criminals #people #imprisonment #crime #assistance
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Many prisons are built these days to keep criminals for their whole life. Some would argue that to curb
further
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 crimes, the offender should be detained in jail for the rest of their life,
while
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 others say that psychological treatment is needed. Long-term
imprisonment
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 is the answer to dealing with criminals but I believe proper psychological methods will be a better solution to deal with criminal
rates
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. On the one hand, applying psychological lessons for
prisoners
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 to help them solve their problems without causing any harm to the public. Juvenile crimes are rising so
this
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 method is necessary for them so they can learn how to behave and become a good person. With the psychological assistant's help, teenagers can realize the problems they are having and gently ask for help if they cannot handle their own without causing any damage to society. For those
prisoners
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 who regret the crime that they committed and want to live a good life again, psychological guidance will help them learn from their mistakes in the past and improve themselves to be better in the future.
This
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 solution significantly reduces criminal
rates
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.
On the other hand
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, psychological assistance is needed for
prisoners
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 willing to fix what they have done in the past but for
prisoners
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 who have committed serious crimes
such
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 as murder, rape, assault, child abuse, and human trafficking,.. without no regret what they have done. Long-term
imprisonment
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 is suitable for them to protect society because if we let them out without awareness of their action can cause more violence and chaos in the community.
However
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, long-term
imprisonment
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 is not the best measure to decrease criminal
rates
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. In conclusion, long-term
imprisonment
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 is only suitable for those who do not regret their action and psychological measures are a more effective way to deal with the crime
rates
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 in the future.
Submitted by ducanhh0911 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. The body paragraphs should be well-organized, with each paragraph discussing a single clear idea that relates to the overall thesis. Clear topic sentences could help with this.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion to frame your essay effectively. Ensure that the introduction sets up the topic and outlines the structure of the essay, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and clearly restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific examples or explanations. These examples should be detailed and directly relevant to the argument you are making. Avoid general statements that don't illustrate your point clearly.
task achievement
Fully address all elements of the task. Ensure that you discuss both views presented in the prompt and your own opinion. Your opinion should be clear and consistent throughout the essay.
task achievement
Develop ideas comprehensively by expanding your discussion with elaborations, implications, or contrasts. Show the examiner that you have a deep understanding of the topic by presenting nuanced arguments.
task achievement
Include specific and relevant examples to support your claims. The use of examples is critical for a high score in task achievement as it shows your ability to link theory with real-world scenarios. Generic statements should be substantiated with solid evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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