IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people choose to travel abroad to learn a foreign language instead of studying in their home town. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #travel #language #home #town
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In
this
 day and age, a plethora of
people
 have the tendency to travel around the world to study foreign languages
instead
 of learning in their country.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of
this
 trend before concluding that learning a
language
 abroad could bring a myriad of benefits. On the one hand, acquiring knowledge
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 new languages by visiting numerous nations is disadvantageous to some extent.
Firstly
, the enormous cost incurred to visit numerous countries would put a strain on
people
.
This
 is because the most commonly used languages in the world frequently come from developed countries, since the living costs and tuition fees in these places could consume a large amount of money from the learners, and not everyone could afford that price.
As a result
, it is immensely hard for ordinary citizens, especially the underprivileged, to access that
language
.
Secondly
,
people
 could face various problems when they live far from their family.
For instance
, they could be experiencing cultural shock, which could make them face mental health issues
such
 as stress, which would have negative impacts on their study performance.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that adopting new cultures could offer young
people
 many advantages. One key rationale in favour of
this
 view is that they could have opportunities to clearly understand that
language
. Specifically, the young could have many opportunities to practice with local dwellers, which could help them enhance their accent and pronunciation or even speak in a native way. Another justification is that learners could have a great chance to gain an understanding of these locals.
This
 perspective could be
further
 enhanced by the fact that
people
 could broaden their horizons and
expose
Wrong verb form
be exposed
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 deeply to Indigenous practices
as well as
 the history of
this
 nation.
Furthermore
, individuals could become more mature and independent after a long time of studying in another country or even land a well-earned job in the future. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that travelling to a foreign country to study a foreign
language
 could have some downsides, I would contend that the
upside
Fix the agreement mistake
upsides
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 which it offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 significantly more noteworthy.
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task achievement
Your essay is generally strong, but ensure that each paragraph directly supports the thesis with specific evidence or examples. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining consistency in your arguments and examples. Sometimes there are points that seem a bit repetitive or not directly related to the main topic. Streamlining these aspects will improve the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with a solid introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in guiding the reader through your essay easily.
task achievement
You have effectively highlighted both the advantages and disadvantages of studying a language abroad, thus providing a balanced argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Linguistic immersion
  • Cultural integration
  • International network
  • Conversational proficiency
  • Financial burden
  • Homesickness
  • Pedagogical differences
  • Culture shock
What to do next:
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