IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The local council is planning to create ‘dispersal zones’ in certain areas of the city to try to reduce street fighting.what is your opinion?

#council #zones’ #areas #city #street
Nowadays the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 has
start
Change the verb form
started
show examples
 an organization (
Disperal
Correct your spelling
Dispersal
 Zones) the essence is to reduce the number of
fight
Fix the agreement mistake
fights
show examples
 in the areas. It works as follows if the police see a group of young
people
 in the street, they ask them
separate
Change the adjective
separately
show examples
 and move. And if
teenager
Add an article
a teenager
the teenager
show examples
 is not walking
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 his area the policeman fines them, but if
this
 happens a
second
time
, they will be
arresred
Correct your spelling
arrested
 for 24 hours. I am against it and I believe that
such
scheme
Correct article usage
a scheme
show examples
 will only worsen the problem. I think it is not fair, not to allow all teenagers go to out in the evening or at night. Because not all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
people
fight
, there are a lot of
people
 who like walking in the evening with their friends,
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to the cinema and just
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 their
time
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
 is not
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 solution to the problem and there are many other options. For
Correct your spelling
instance
instace
Add a comma
,instace
show examples
 the local
concil
Correct your spelling
council
 should put cameras all over the territory and the police are on duty.
Then
people
 will calmly have a good
time
, and the
policemans
Correct your spelling
policemen
show examples
 immediately will catch those
people
 who
fight
. The other
solve
Replace the word
solution
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem is that necessary to pay attention to hooligans, to those who often
fight
.
Cause
Correct word choice
Because
show examples
 maybe they have problems with their family, with studies or psychological problems.
Then
 they need the help of
psychologist
Add an article
a psychologist
show examples
 or a child custody service. And the
last
 option is to organize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
activities
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 monitored by the police for teenagers who want to spend
time
 with friends or just get some fresh air before
go
Change the verb form
going
show examples
 to bed.
People
 will have a choice to participate or not
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there are teenagers who like
stay
Fix the infinitive
to stay
show examples
 at home and watch movies. If they do
this
then
 the young
people
 will be happy, and others will be calm. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the "
Disperal
Correct your spelling
Dispersal
 Zones" organization is a bit
crual
Correct your spelling
cruel
crucial
 and not very effective, there are many other ways to have fewer fights on the streets, and
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 same
time
 not to limit anyone.
Submitted by rruwwwa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: