IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that money is the best gift for teenagers, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #money #gift #teenagers
In
this
 modern time ,
money
 plays an essential role in everyone's
life
 .
However
 , there are some who opine that giving
money
 to teenagers is a better choice rather than gifts , whereas others deem that
this
 may have a negative effect on them . I strongly believe that both notions are equally important and have significant justifications in support. On the one hand , the number of people giving
money
 as a gift the reason behind
this
 seems to be providing an opportunity to young ones to pursue their hobby .
In addition
 to
this
 , if someone likes to read books and he or she wants to buy more , so gifted
money
 will assist to purchase them.
Furthermore
 , the best benefit of giving some amount is that youngsters can learn how to use
money
 wisely .
This
 will help them in the future because they have to invest
money
 in certain things with proper management .
For instance
 , if they want to take
life
 insurance
then
 the experience of teen age may play a significant role because they have the amount in their mind which needs to be invested . These things can be learned if they have
money
 to use in their earlier stage of
life
 .
On the other hand
 , many young people found celebrities who spend
money
 on smoking and drugs , so it may have a detrimental effect on teenager's
life
 because they want to do things that famous people do .
As a result
 ,
this
 can make their parent's jobs hard and put innocent lives in danger.
Moreover
 , gambling is the other problem which can be seen often in youngsters as per the media reports . To recapitulate, I reckon both perspectives have equal weightage and are supported by me equivalently. if
money
 is given to young ones
then
 it is
parents'
Correct article usage
the parents'
show examples
 responsibility to take care of them , but in
such
 cases , teenagers tell lies to their guardians .
This
 proves that both claims have the same potential.
Submitted by pyash5245 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: