Some people think that the success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are more important factors, such as having money or a good appearance. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People
believe being successful is essential for individuals. There is a known belief among some people
that hard work
and determination are the keys to success
in life. However
, another group of people
think that some extra factors like a wealthy and attractive looking play a role in being successful. This
essay will argue both sides, and finally
, I will explore my own idea
.
On the one hand, hard Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
work
could be one of the successful ways that lead to achieving goals with patience and ambition. On this
side, it considers hard work
is
a necessary factor for achieving Wrong verb form
to be
success
. For example
, one of the brains and co-founders behind Google's success
is Larry Pages, was influenced by technology since he was a child and worked hard till, he launched Google, his famous words “Always deliver more than you expect”. The hard work
and determination could be the path of success
for everyone in this
world.
On the other hand
, more money
and attractiveness target only the unconscious minds of people
. In the worldwide, people
with extra money
and good looking not target to develop counties economies or even knowledge. For instance
, there are many people
who could have extra money
and good looks, but they are not successful and have huge issues in life like failing in relationships, jobs, studying and even don having self-confidence. Money
and looking are not beneficial for everyone to be successful.
To sum up
, hard work
is the main factor in achieving the objective and the key to success
. However
, people
cannot be successful by only having more money
and a good appearance. In my opinion, people
need to work
more and more to reach their goals and become more successful in life, extra money
and good looks could help sometimes but people
do not rely on these aspects.Submitted by hsmkashi on
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Task Achievement
Be sure to delve deeper into the topic with specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Adding real-life examples can make your points more convincing and comprehensive.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on creating clearer and more direct topic sentences for each paragraph. This will help to ensure that your main points are immediately clear to the reader.
General Advice
Try to vary your sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging. Using a wider range of vocabulary and syntax can enhance the readability of your text.
Task Achievement
Ensure your conclusion sums up your arguments more distinctly. A strong, clear conclusion reinforces your points and gives your essay a satisfying sense of closure.
Task Achievement
Good job on covering both viewpoints as well as providing your own opinion on the topic. Your balanced approach is commendable.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively bookend your essay, helping to provide a clear structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have made a good effort to support your main points with explanations, showing a connection between your ideas and the overall topic.