In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight: Reasons and solutions.

#countries #people #children

More and more

children

are overweight in various

countries

This

essay will discuss why

this

is the case and suggest some practical

solution

Fix the agreement mistake

solutions

show examples

. One of the main causes of the problem is that there are a lot of fast

food

restaurants

these days, which include MC Donald, KFC, Subway,

Burger

Correct word choice

and Burger

show examples

King. These

restaurants

expand over many

countries

as they are chain

restaurants

Therefore

, many people could easily buy it.

This

kind of

food

is cheap and easy to grab for those

children

who have less money than adults,

however

, those

foods

contain less nutrition than fats.

Therefore

, the more

children

eat fast

foods

, the more they gain weight. In order to address the problem, there are a number of effective solutions.

First

of all, parents should control their child's eating habits.

For

example

Add a comma

,example

show examples

they can pack a healthy lunch box for their child every day in order to make them fit and healthy. The

way out is for the government to make people eat fast

foods

less than before.

For instance

, The government could increase the tax

for

Change preposition

show examples

fast

Add a hyphen

fast-food

show examples

food

restaurants

. As the price gets higher,

children

may have less of a chance to eat those

foods

. In conclusion,

this

essay examines the reason why

children

gain overweight in many

countries

: there are a lot of fast

food

restaurants

in many

countries

. To tackle the problem, I strongly advise parents to pack

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

lunch

box

Fix the agreement mistake

boxes

show examples

and the government to make people eat less fast

food

in order to make them healthier.

Submitted by ak.porawan on Thu Dec 22 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

253 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight: Reasons and solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The workplace nowadays is trying to employ the equal number of females and males. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor.

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. What extent Do you Agree or Disagree ??

Do you agree that supermarkets are a threat to small shops and local communities?

Planting trees is very important for the environment. Some people says that trees should be planted in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while other says housing facilities should be build instead. Do you agree or disagree?