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Band 5.5

In many countries people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight: Reasons and solutions.

#countries #people #children
More and more
children
 are overweight in various
countries
.
This
 essay will discuss why
this
 is the case and suggest some practical
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
. One of the main causes of the problem is that there are a lot of fast
food
restaurants
 these days, which include MC Donald, KFC, Subway,
Burger
Correct word choice
and Burger
show examples
 King. These
restaurants
 expand over many
countries
 as they are chain
restaurants
.
Therefore
, many people could easily buy it.
This
 kind of
food
 is cheap and easy to grab for those
children
 who have less money than adults,
however
, those
foods
 contain less nutrition than fats.
Therefore
, the more
children
 eat fast
foods
, the more they gain weight. In order to address the problem, there are a number of effective solutions.
First
 of all, parents should control their child's eating habits.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 they can pack a healthy lunch box for their child every day in order to make them fit and healthy. The
next
 way out is for the government to make people eat fast
foods
 less than before.
For instance
, The government could increase the tax
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
restaurants
. As the price gets higher,
children
 may have less of a chance to eat those
foods
. In conclusion,
this
 essay examines the reason why
children
 gain overweight in many
countries
 : there are a lot of fast
food
restaurants
 in many
countries
. To tackle the problem, I strongly advise parents to pack
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lunch
box
Fix the agreement mistake
boxes
show examples
 and the government to make people eat less fast
food
 in order to make them healthier.
Submitted by ak.porawan on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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