IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree.

#computer #effects #children
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In
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 few decades, there is
considerable
Add an article
the considerable
a considerable
show examples
 inclination
of
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 technology day by day. With regards to
this
Linking Words
, nowadays,
children
Use synonyms
 more
use
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
electronic devices in their daily
life
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 more negative effects rather than positive. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion and my view regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
, which would be elaborated
in
Change preposition
on in
show examples
 upcoming paragraphs. Taking into account, what are the negative effects on
childrens
Correct your spelling
children's
children
 high
use
Use synonyms
 of
computer
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
? The cardinal
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
 is, adults suffer from harmful diseases. To explain it, if
children
Use synonyms
 full day
use
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 in their daily
life
Use synonyms
 in
sitting
Correct article usage
a sitting
show examples
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 well in their
life
Use synonyms
. They suffer from obesity because outdoor activities are necessary for new adults to keep fit and healthy.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey was conducted by
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 department, two years ago, according to which, 60%
Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
 are not fit in their
life
Use synonyms
 and they do not work in
field
Correct article usage
the field
show examples
 due to the overweight. Despite the above-mentioned aspects, there are various negative points with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, more effect on
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 eyes. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, teenagers are not good
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 as they have more time
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on electronic devices (
such
Linking Words
 as mobile,
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 and so on) rather than
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on their education.
That is
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main
reasons
Change the noun form
reason
show examples
 why
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 students
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not get better marks in their final exam.
For instance
Linking Words
, a report
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
published by the tribune, it reveals that 80%
mentees
Change preposition
of mentees
show examples
use
Use synonyms
gogles
Correct your spelling
goggles
 when they do study at school due to the high
use
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 in everyday
life
Use synonyms
. Culminating the arguments, no doubt, there are numerous demerits on
children
Use synonyms
 to more
use
Use synonyms
 of
computer
Use synonyms
firstly
Linking Words
, suffer from obesity.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they do not get good marks in their secondary education.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
What to do next:
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