Nowadays, even though imprisonment is an efficient solution for preventing crime, education proved to be a more efficient one. Do you agree or disagree?

#imprisonment #crime #education

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Some people think that nowadays

education

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proved to be a more efficient solution for preventing

crime

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than

imprisonment

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. I strongly agree with the latter stance, and in the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall discuss points and reasons to support my view.

First

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education

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is having a big impact on humankind and can shape someone's personality. If someone has already learned about good personality and morals since they were a kid, it can affect their mindset and life in the future.

For example

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, most kids who grew up in a criminal area and are familiar with a

crime

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in their childhood, tend to be a criminal too in their adult life.

This

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is the reason why we should give a good example for the kids and fulfil the with a good

education

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. In comparison,

imprisonment

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is one of the best solutions to fight

crime

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and

this

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method is quite impactful.

However

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, we could hear that criminal life in prison is really bad and sometimes violate human rights.

This

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can lead to

Correct article usage

the

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condition their personality

Unnecessary verb

apply

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getting worse and they can do the bigger

crime

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after being free from prison.

Moreover

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, in

Indonesia

Add a comma

,Indonesia

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a lot of ex-prisoner do the same case as they did beforehand. That's why

imprisonment

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is not the most efficient solution for preventing

crime

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. In essence, it is true that

imprisonment

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is one of the best solutions to fight

crime

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. But,

education

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is the most effective way to prevent

crime

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, and I strongly recommend that every school should teach moral

education

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to help children and young people to acquire a set of beliefs and values regarding what is right and wrong.

Submitted by rifqiadityariadhi on Thu Dec 29 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Nowadays, even though imprisonment is an efficient solution for preventing crime, education proved to be a more efficient one. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

Many small local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area.How does this effect local communities? How could this situation be improved?

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?