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Writing Samples
Band 7

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#computers #education #people #trend #consequences
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With the rapid development of
technology
, It has become ubiquitous to utilize
computers
 in the classroom.
Although
 some are concerned that teaching with
computers
 has negative impacts on
students
, others believe it is more beneficial.
This
 essay will analyze both assertions and conclude that merits surpass demerits.
To begin
 with, some claim learning through cutting-edge
technology
 is harmful for some reasons.
Firstly
, glamorous images and videos provided during the class can be a source of distractions and prevent learners from reading printed books and thinking deeply. Many scientific experiments have proved that frequent exposure to the machine reduces the ability of literary understanding.
In addition
, kids of low-income earners might have trouble purchasing a computer and following the class.
However
, I contend that making use of
computers
 in the class is more advantageous. Teachers and
students
 can obtain a variety of academic materials, which makes it easy for
students
 to understand various concepts
such
 as complex geometry or internal parts of plants and animals.
According to
 research performed by
Korea
Correct article usage
the Korea
show examples
 Development Institute in 2022, graduates of high schools which preferred to adopt
technology
 demonstrate a higher level of academic achievement than those of schools which hesitated to.
Furthermore
, handling state-of-the-art
technology
 skillfully is a key factor for youngsters to get a head start.
Hence
, having an opportunity to learn how to deal with artificial intelligence or coding through
computers
 is a crucial element which should be taught in school.
To conclude
,
although
 computer-using classes can lead to another distraction in thinking and educational inequality by a gap in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of earnings, I still think that the performance of
students
 is improved and kids can have a chance to start at an advantageous point in
this
 era of cutting edge
technology
 by making use of
computers
.
Submitted by 0617crystal on

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Task Achievement
Engage more with the prompt by providing a direct statement of your opinion in the introduction. This ensures the reader knows where you stand from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by providing more specifics. While you mention research and experiments, adding details such as study outcomes or statistical findings would enrich your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow. Phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Considering another perspective' can guide the reader more clearly through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To strengthen your essay, vary your sentence structures. Mix short and longer sentences to maintain the reader's interest and emphasize key points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the relevance of all your examples and explanations. Each should directly support your main points and overall argument, helping to build a cohesive essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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