IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#parts #world #children #freedom #development
Independence
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
 has its own pros and cons.
This
 has
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 impact on the
pupil
Change noun form
pupil's
show examples
life
, either negative or positive way.
This
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
, how
freedom
 can influence their
life
 and
utilized
Add a missing verb
be utilized
show examples
 in
positive
Add an article
a positive
the positive
show examples
 and negative
direction
Fix the agreement mistake
directions
show examples
. I believe
this
 situation is largely positive. Everyone looks for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom
 in their
life
 to live their
life
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the fullest. There are many advantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom
 even at the
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 stage. They start understanding new
experiencing
Replace the word
experiences
show examples
 at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
 and become mature. Due to
this
, they can get ready to fly with
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
 in their career. We have seen stories of successful
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
juveniles, who were given
freedom
achieved
Correct word choice
and achieved
show examples
 new heights. According to
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
 in
newspaper
Add an article
the newspaper
a newspaper
show examples
 ‘Hindustan times’
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1000
children
, success rates are high, if
freedom
 is given to 10-16 years
children
 and they become more responsible and get ready for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job, even though, they build
business
Add an article
a business
the business
show examples
, because of their maturity and experiences at the
age
 of 18-22 years.
Additionally
,
Pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 offload their parents, if they feel more
independence
Replace the word
independent
show examples
 and become more responsible and help
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 to handle household chores. On the other side, Elders in the family
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not feel respected and
losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of their experience, because
information
Add an article
the information
show examples
 is already available on
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
. Due to
this
, elders are stressed and not able to guide their kids. Alternatively,
Children
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 understand
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
right and wrong at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
age
 and there are chances
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
, which can lead towards the wrong path. I have seen some teenagers
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 spoiled due to more
freedom
, which needs to be handled cautiously. In the nutshell, I believe, that, There are more benefits , as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they experience the
freedom
 at starting
age
, which allows them to experience
life
 at
Add an article
an
show examples
early stage and create
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact on their
life
.
Submitted by amarjitpalsingh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: