IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In the past, many male leaders have led our society to conflicts and violence. The world would be better governed and more peaceful if it was ruled by women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #society #conflicts #violence #world #women
There is no doubt that these days conflicts are increasing globally. The question is, is that because the leaders are
men
, and what if the
women
 lead the
world
? In
this
 essay, I will discuss my view and draw my own conclusion. In terms of
agreement
Add an article
the agreement
show examples
,
men
 are bringing more conflicts and war to our
world
. The main reason given to support
this
 claim is that
men
natural
Change the word
naturally
show examples
. They are stronger and more aggressive. They show harder decisions and they rely on their own ideas.
In other words
,
men
 usually think by their brains not their hearts.
As a result
 of looking for financial impaction or political benefits but not concerned about any emotional aspects.
For example
, while the
world
 has a living crisis, the minister thinks to increase income taxes
instead
 of finding other reasonable solutions. Generally,
men
 have one way of thinking and sometimes they do not study the possible results of their actions.
However
, in my point of view,
women
 always show an incredible job when they become a leader.
They
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 attention to detail and take care of all the applied aspects.
Although
 they insist to be a leader, they deal with compassion in every separate task.
This
 is because they listen to their team and feel what their society needs.
Hence
 the
women
 are more emotional, they are more creative and looking for peace and stable life.
Moreover
, the government usually give chance to all male and female to be a leader which is creating a competitive atmosphere.
Therefore
, everyone wants to prove his point.
Men
 by more wisdom and
women
 by more sensitivity. In conclusion, it is evident that the
world
 will have more conflicts if the leaders are remaining
men
. The government should accept the concepts of
women
's leadership and allow them to practice leading the
world
.
Submitted by asbolbol on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • male-dominated leadership
  • empathetic
  • cooperative
  • inclusive society
  • governance
  • diversity
  • sustainable peace
  • social welfare
  • collaborative approach
  • international relations
  • leadership qualities
  • decision-making processes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: