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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
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There is a saying that life itself is a risk.
In every
Change preposition
Every
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 decision, choice or step
one
Use synonyms
take
Change the verb form
takes
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 in life,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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always
involve
Change the verb form
involves
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 risk.
Therefore
Linking Words
, taking chances
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 become part of our daily survival, in order to achieve our goal and become successful. I believe that the merits of
risks
Use synonyms
 surpass the demerits.
This
Linking Words
 essay will be discussing both views and my opinion. On
one
Use synonyms
 hand, taking
risks
Use synonyms
 can result
to
Change preposition
in
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 physical injury, accidents, bankruptcy and loss of
one
Use synonyms
's life. In terms of career choice, investing in goods and shares which is part of
risk
Add an article
the risk
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, can heed good profit but can
also
Linking Words
 lead to severe loss in the company.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, individual
risks
Use synonyms
 involving
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 activities
such
Linking Words
 as car racing, hockey, bicycle racing, high jump etc can cause
fracture
Fix the agreement mistake
fractures
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 of the bones, amputation of
one
Use synonyms
's limb and sometimes death but the rewarding part is what encourages people to partake in those activities despite the
risks
Use synonyms
 involved.
Recent
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A recent
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 study showed that 40-60% of
athletics
Replace the word
athletes
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 involved in
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 jump fractured
one
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 or both limbs before becoming perfect in the activity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, taking chances on
professional
Add an article
a professional
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 level
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may involve employing a good worker that
one
Use synonyms
 thinks
its
Correct your spelling
is
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 suitable for a job that can increase the
company
Change noun form
company's
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 productivity. Specifically, the employee can bring new innovative ideas and ways to push the company forward. Meanwhile, on
personal
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a personal
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 level, taking
risks
Use synonyms
 can motivate people in achieving what they never thought of achieving, by making them move from their comfort zone and
pursuing
Wrong verb form
pursue
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 their dreams.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
,instance
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 a man,
leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
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 his father's house in search of greener pastures for his future. In summary, there are many negative effects of taking chances but I believe that the positive impacts of it,make people want to explore more.
Submitted by enaughetheresa on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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