IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driveless. The only people traveling inside these vehicles will be passengares. Do you think the advantages of driveless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

#future #cars #buses #trucks #driveless #people #vehicles #passengares
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Sleep deprivation has become a public issue that a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 are complaining about. The main problems that lack of sleep can cause are obesity and
diabetes
Use synonyms
 type 2. The most viable solution is to adopt a fixed routine sleep schedule. Getting enough sleep during 24 hours is crucial for
Correct article usage
the humans’
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humans’
Change noun form
humans
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 body to recover
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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from fatigue, and if a
person
Use synonyms
 does not get the right amount of sleep, which is 8 hours during the night,
then
Linking Words
conversely
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, it will cause health issues,
such
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 as obesity and
diabetes
Use synonyms
 type 2;
additionally
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, if a
person
Use synonyms
 does not sleep 8 hours, his metabolism will get disrupted, and the sugar that they consume during awake
time
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 will remain in their blood;
consequently
Linking Words
, they will get fat and contract
diabetes
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 type 2.
For instance
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, most
people
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 who are working on remote jobs opposite of their
time
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 zone are exposed to obesity and
diabetes
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 2.
However
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, the solution for the public issue is that
people
Use synonyms
 must adopt a self-discipline routine for their sleep
time
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 and prioritize it.
Accordingly
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,
this
Linking Words
 self-discipline routine can be categorized into smaller planes because nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 are occupied with daily tide schedules. So, no matter what happens, a
person
Use synonyms
 must go to sleep at 10:00 PM, stop using his electronic device half an hour before sleep, and wake sharp at 5:00 AM,
whereas
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this
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 discipline is far better and achievable if a
person
Use synonyms
 practices it for a long period of
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, if someone sleeps at a fixed
time
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 every night, his brain will adapt that timing and signal him that it is
time
Use synonyms
 for sleep; thereby, it will assist him
to
Change preposition
in
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be
Verb problem
becoming
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 a sharp-minded
person
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 during the following day. In conclusion, with bustling lives nowadays,
people
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 are not getting enough sleep, which
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
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 serious health problems and the degradation in daily performance as well.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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 it can be alleviated by a disciplined lifestyle, which includes a fixed
time
Use synonyms
 of sleeping, not using any sort of electronic devices half an hour before sleep, and prioritizing health
above all
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 the other things.
Submitted by am.edrees on

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coherence
Try to simplify long sentences to improve readability. For example, instead of one long sentence with multiple clauses, break it into two shorter, more focused sentences.
task response
Work on providing more detailed and specific examples to support your points. For example, describe specific studies or statistics related to sleep deprivation, obesity, and diabetes to strengthen your arguments.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and concise topic sentence that encapsulates the main point of the paragraph. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay by clearly stating the problem of sleep deprivation and its main consequences.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarises the main points and provides a clear and practical solution to the problem discussed.
cohesion
Good use of conjunctions and transitional phrases, such as 'consequently' and 'accordingly', which help to maintain the flow of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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