In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driveless. The only people traveling inside these vehicles will be passengares. Do you think the advantages of driveless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?
Sleep deprivation has become a public issue that a lot of
people
are complaining about. The main problems that lack of sleep can cause are obesity and diabetes
type 2. The most viable solution is to adopt a fixed routine sleep schedule.
Getting enough sleep during 24 hours is crucial for Correct article usage
the humans’
humans’
body to recover Change noun form
humans
itself
from fatigue, and if a Correct pronoun usage
apply
person
does not get the right amount of sleep, which is 8 hours during the night, then
conversely
, it will cause health issues, such
as obesity and diabetes
type 2; additionally
, if a person
does not sleep 8 hours, his metabolism will get disrupted, and the sugar that they consume during awake time
will remain in their blood; consequently
, they will get fat and contract diabetes
type 2. For instance
, most people
who are working on remote jobs opposite of their time
zone are exposed to obesity and diabetes
2.
However
, the solution for the public issue is that people
must adopt a self-discipline routine for their sleep time
and prioritize it. Accordingly
, this
self-discipline routine can be categorized into smaller planes because nowadays people
are occupied with daily tide schedules. So, no matter what happens, a person
must go to sleep at 10:00 PM, stop using his electronic device half an hour before sleep, and wake sharp at 5:00 AM, whereas
this
discipline is far better and achievable if a person
practices it for a long period of time
. For example
, if someone sleeps at a fixed time
every night, his brain will adapt that timing and signal him that it is time
for sleep; thereby, it will assist him to
Change preposition
in
be
a sharp-minded Verb problem
becoming
person
during the following day.
In conclusion, with bustling lives nowadays, people
are not getting enough sleep, which caused
serious health problems and the degradation in daily performance as well. Wrong verb form
causes
Although
it can be alleviated by a disciplined lifestyle, which includes a fixed Correct word choice
However
time
of sleeping, not using any sort of electronic devices half an hour before sleep, and prioritizing health above all
the other things.Submitted by am.edrees on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence
Try to simplify long sentences to improve readability. For example, instead of one long sentence with multiple clauses, break it into two shorter, more focused sentences.
task response
Work on providing more detailed and specific examples to support your points. For example, describe specific studies or statistics related to sleep deprivation, obesity, and diabetes to strengthen your arguments.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and concise topic sentence that encapsulates the main point of the paragraph. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay by clearly stating the problem of sleep deprivation and its main consequences.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarises the main points and provides a clear and practical solution to the problem discussed.
cohesion
Good use of conjunctions and transitional phrases, such as 'consequently' and 'accordingly', which help to maintain the flow of the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?