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Band 4

Topic: Many children and students are taught to push themselves to be better than others rather than work together for everyones’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#topic #children #students #work #everyones’s
It is common in
the
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apply
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society
 to teach
the
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apply
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children to acquire
the
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a
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higher position
from
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apply
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above all of their peers in the field of
academic
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academics
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 or
in
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apply
show examples
sports. Its outcome seems to create
the
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apply
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jealousy, feel of
compititon
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competition
 and less
frutifull
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fruitful
 results
in
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apply
show examples
between
the
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apply
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peers.
This
 stated that there are
less
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fewer
show examples
 benefits for children to
succeeding
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succeed
show examples
 in life if they were taught in
this
 way.
This
 essay will discuss the disadvantages in
brief
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a brief
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 manner.
The
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First
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first
 and foremost,
demerits
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the demerits
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 of
make
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making
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 better from others rather than
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 together will
leads
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lead
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 to less
producitivity
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productivity
 and less fruitful results.
For example
, if people work together
then
 they do those things possible
which
Correct word choice
that
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 are impossible but a single person with his single idea or concepts will not
able
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be able
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 to reach
at
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apply
show examples
their destination and feels inferior in front of others.
A part
Correct your spelling
Apart
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 from that, the attitude of
compeidator
Correct your spelling
competitor
 and jealousy
cretes
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create
hattnes
Correct your spelling
hates
 in the
people
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people's
show examples
 lives.
For instance
, in
africa
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Africa
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 a 17 years old boy
killed
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was killed
show examples
 by his neighbours due to scoring more in
the
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apply
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academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
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 and getting so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 attention from
the
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apply
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society
 and in school too.
Such
 kind of situations will happen if taught young generations to compete in
the
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apply
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society
 rather than contribute
in
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to
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 their
society
 to live meaningful lives. In conclusion, there are several demerits of teaching the young generation to compete and make
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 above
from
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apply
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others.
This
 will
creates
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create
show examples
 jealousy,
hattness
Correct word choice
and hattness
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 in one another's
heart
Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
show examples
.
Submitted by Jott on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Instilling
  • Competitive spirit
  • Self-improvement
  • Personal excellence
  • Excessive competition
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Win-at-all-costs mentality
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Collaboration skills
  • Teamwork
  • Mutual success
  • Wider community
  • Educational settings
  • Social development
  • Groundbreaking achievements
  • Collective effort
What to do next:
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