Topic: Many children and students are taught to push themselves to be better than others rather than work together for everyones’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#topic #children #students #work #everyones’s

It is common in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

to teach

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children to acquire

the

Correct article usage

show examples

higher position

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

above all of their peers in the field of

academic

Fix the agreement mistake

academics

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

sports. Its outcome seems to create

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

jealousy, feel of

compititon

Correct your spelling

competition

and less

frutifull

Correct your spelling

fruitful

results

Change preposition

apply

show examples

between

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

peers.

This

stated that there are

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

benefits for children to

succeeding

Wrong verb form

succeed

show examples

in life if they were taught in

this

way.

This

essay will discuss the disadvantages in

brief

Change the article

a brief

show examples

manner.

The

Correct article usage

First

show examples

first

and foremost,

demerits

Correct article usage

the demerits

show examples

make

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

better from others rather than

work

Wrong verb form

working

show examples

together will

leads

Change the verb form

lead

show examples

to less

producitivity

Correct your spelling

productivity

and less fruitful results.

For example

, if people work together

then

they do those things possible

which

Correct word choice

that

show examples

are impossible but a single person with his single idea or concepts will not

able

Add a missing verb

be able

show examples

to reach

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

their destination and feels inferior in front of others.

A part

Correct your spelling

Apart

show examples

from that, the attitude of

compeidator

Correct your spelling

competitor

and jealousy

cretes

Correct your spelling

create

hattnes

Correct your spelling

hates

in the

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

lives.

For instance

, in

africa

Change the capitalization

Africa

show examples

a 17 years old boy

killed

Add a missing verb

was killed

show examples

by his neighbours due to scoring more in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

academic

Fix the agreement mistake

academics

show examples

and getting so

many

Correct quantifier usage

much

show examples

attention from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

and in school too.

Such

kind of situations will happen if taught young generations to compete in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

rather than contribute

Change preposition

show examples

their

society

to live meaningful lives. In conclusion, there are several demerits of teaching the young generation to compete and make

position

Fix the agreement mistake

positions

show examples

above

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

others.

This

will

creates

Change the verb form

create

show examples

jealousy,

hattness

Correct word choice

and hattness

show examples

in one another's

heart

Fix the agreement mistake

hearts

show examples

Submitted by Jott on Mon Jan 02 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
41Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

240 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Instilling
Competitive spirit
Self-improvement
Personal excellence
Excessive competition
Stress
Anxiety
Win-at-all-costs mentality
Interpersonal relationships
Collaboration skills
Teamwork
Mutual success
Wider community
Educational settings
Social development
Groundbreaking achievements
Collective effort

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this
After finishing high school,in several parts of the world,teenagers are induced to take a gap year to visit or work until university starts.While travelling can be a beneficial experience for those who choose to do so,it is not without its drawbacks.
6
band
It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
It is true that in the contemporary , people who are scientists and tourists can travel and explore natural environments, like the South Pole. Although this has several disadvantages, the benefits may be far more significant.
6.5
band
In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
The last decades have witnessed an ever-increasing trend in buying a house in comparison with renting. In the popular perception, the vast majority of individuals affirm that owning a house is crucial. I largely concur that this is a positive development. Yet, it is worth ascertaining the underlying causes and the opposite option of this trend.
5
band
In most sucessful organizations some people believe that communication between managers and workers are the most important factor,other people say that other factors are most important. discuss both views and give your opinion.
Several people believe the key of the most successful company is in the communication between managers and workers, whereas some people argue other factors are most important. I believe the key of successful organizations is in communication. Moreover, other factors like human resources, environment work, job salary are the supporting factors.
5
band
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Compare and contrast the advantages & disadvantages
It has been witnessed recently in some countries a considerable percentage of young people as compared to the old ones. However, such a phenomenon has both advantages and disadvantages as will be presented in the upcoming paragraphs.

Topic: Many children and students are taught to push themselves to be better than others rather than work together for everyones’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In most sucessful organizations some people believe that communication between managers and workers are the most important factor,other people say that other factors are most important. discuss both views and give your opinion.

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Compare and contrast the advantages & disadvantages