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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The number of old people is increasing in many countries. Some people think this causes problems, while others think old people play an important role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #countries #role
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Some
people
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 argue that many countries might have problems with an increasing number of elderly
people
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, while others believe that elder
people
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 have a major role in
society
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. In my view, even though nations can have numerous issues due to
this
Linking Words
 transition, I agree that the older generation plays an essential role in communities. The main issue is that the increasing
aging
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ageing
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 population can affect the pension and healthcare system in a negative way. While the government needs to provide more support in the financial and medical sectors.
For instance
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, more financial expenditure will be put into the construction of hospitals and old-age care
centers
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centres
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,
consequently
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, a lower portion of public funds can spend on other fields,
such
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 as education, environment protection, and public transportation.
Additionally
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, healthy elder
people
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 who could still work in their original position,
in other words
Linking Words
, lead to youngsters gaining fewer opportunities.
However
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,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the old generation often
act
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acts
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 as the backbone of
society
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 and family
as
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for
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 a while. To commence with, for
society
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, old
people
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 means wealthy experience, which could help
Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
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youngster
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youngsters
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 to make
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a decision
the decision
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decision
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decisions
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 based on their professional advice.
For example
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, in China, the most outstanding medical and advanced technology experts are over 70 years old. Meanwhile, for families, whereas parents are busy
in
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apply
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earning money, grandparents are the ones who always take care of their grandchildren, which
is not only ease
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do not only ease
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 the pressure of working adults but
also
Linking Words
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
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 traditional values to make elders
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
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 the joy of family. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 increasing life expectancy can cause a financial burden to the government, I believe that the elder is an important part of
society
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 and our families because they can guide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngster with their experience and look after children.
Submitted by jingjing on

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