The number of old people is increasing in many countries. Some people think this causes problems, while others think old people play an important role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #countries #role

Some

people

argue that many countries might have problems with an increasing number of elderly

people

, while others believe that elder

people

have a major role in

society

. In my view, even though nations can have numerous issues due to

this

transition, I agree that the older generation plays an essential role in communities. The main issue is that the increasing

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population can affect the pension and healthcare system in a negative way. While the government needs to provide more support in the financial and medical sectors.

For instance

, more financial expenditure will be put into the construction of hospitals and old-age care

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

consequently

, a lower portion of public funds can spend on other fields,

such

as education, environment protection, and public transportation.

Additionally

, healthy elder

people

who could still work in their original position,

in other words

, lead to youngsters gaining fewer opportunities.

However

on the other hand

, the old generation often

act

Change the verb form

acts

show examples

as the backbone of

society

and family

Change preposition

for

show examples

a while. To commence with, for

society

, old

people

means wealthy experience, which could help

Add an article

the youngster

a youngster

show examples

youngster

Fix the agreement mistake

youngsters

show examples

to make

Add an article

a decision

the decision

show examples

decision

Fix the agreement mistake

decisions

show examples

based on their professional advice.

For example

, in China, the most outstanding medical and advanced technology experts are over 70 years old. Meanwhile, for families, whereas parents are busy

Change preposition

apply

show examples

earning money, grandparents are the ones who always take care of their grandchildren, which

is not only ease

Change the verb form

do not only ease

show examples

the pressure of working adults but

also

develop

Correct subject-verb agreement

develops

show examples

traditional values to make elders

enjoying

Wrong verb form

enjoy

show examples

the joy of family. In conclusion,

although

increasing life expectancy can cause a financial burden to the government, I believe that the elder is an important part of

society

and our families because they can guide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

youngster with their experience and look after children.

Submitted by jingjing on Tue Jan 03 2023

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

290 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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