IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

1.Some people argue that parents should have a strong influence on their children’s choice of friends and life partners. Others believe that young people should make these decisions independently. 2.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #influence #children’s #choice #friends #life #partners #decisions
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People are divided in their opinion on whether
parents
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 should interfere in their
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children
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`s choice of friends and life partners or they should let them decide on their own. Some believe that Mothers and Fathers should have a positive impact on their
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children
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`s
choices
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,
while
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 others opine on
this
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 and think that youngsters should have freedom of choice.
This
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 essay shall scrutinize both aspects in
further
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 paragraphs before forming an opinion. On one hand, it is evident that
parents
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 have more wisdom than their
children
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 and are able to make better
choices
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due to
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 their longer experience in life.
In addition
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 to
this
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, Mothers and fathers are always seeking the best for their
children
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 as they are driven by love towards their sons and
daughter
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daughters
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.
As a result
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 of
this
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,
parents
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’ intervention in their
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children
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`s
choices
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 is most likely to have a positive impact on their lives.
For example
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, a survey that was done by a popular Egyptian Newspaper called Al Ahram showed that most of the
children
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 agreed that their
parents
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’ opinions about their
choices
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 of friends were found to be true and helped them to avoid many troubles in their lives.
On the other hand
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, people who disagree with the opposite opinion believe that
parents
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 should raise
up
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apply
show examples
strong independent
children
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 who are able to take full responsibility
of
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for
show examples
 their
decisions
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.
Therefore
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, influencing young people`s
decisions
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 will have a negative impact on their personality. To elaborate more on
this
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, many studies have shown that adults who are hesitant in making
decisions
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 and fear confrontation, used to have controlling
parents
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 who didn’t allow them to choose freely. In my view, the balance between the two opinions is much needed.
Although
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 growing independent
children
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 is very important,
however
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, teaching them how to make the right decision is very crucial as well.
Consequently
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, Mothers and Fathers should intervene in their
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children
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`s
decisions
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 until a certain age when they understand right from wrong, afterwards, they should give them the chance to have their own experiences in life. In conclusion, despite the fact that
parents
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 are wiser than their
children
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,
however
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,
children
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 should grow up to become independent one day.
Accordingly
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, parenting must include a balance between protection and freedom of choice in order to grow up resilient. strong, and independent human beings.
Submitted by sarah.matarawy on

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task achievement
Ensure that punctuation and conjunctions are used correctly to enhance readability. For example, avoid using 'however' in the middle of a sentence without proper connectors or punctuation.
task achievement
While your examples and points are strong, consider adding more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to elevate your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction succinctly presents the two contrasting views and establishes a clear direction for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph presents a well-developed point that logically flows from the previous one, maintaining coherence throughout.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant and specific examples like the survey from Al Ahram, which effectively strengthens the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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