IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there only small differences between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I partly agree. In my
opinion
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,opinion
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 small variation between the richest and the poorest members could be a
way
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 to produce a happier
society
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 but not the best idea. It depends on what
people
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 really need. Poor communities becoming rich could be a great
way
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 to producing happiness
society
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. Similar income with rich
people
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 could assist them to afford more expensive stuff.
For instance
Linking Words
, an increase in finances could let the poor be able to consume clothing, have enough food and have the ability to pay utilities or even travel around the world.
Thus
Linking Words
, a better quality lifestyle could create an atmosphere of joy which could lead to a peaceful
society
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. Making the income be similar may not the greatest
way
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 to create a happy
society
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. If everyone’s incomes only have small differences,
then
Linking Words
 prices of everything could increase immediately because everyone becomes wealthy, and nobody would likely work. The whole world’s industry chain and global economy could be collapsed.
Therefore
Linking Words
, letting everyone have similar property is not the best idea to produce a joyful community. Creating a joyful community could upgrade poor individuals’ lifestyles rather than make an equilibrium with rich individuals.
For example
Linking Words
, upgrading the environment of living, medical institutions and education systems in the low living-standard communities could be the best
way
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. Children are able to have an equal study environment with wealthy kids and poor
people
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 could afford to go to the hospital for treatment.
This
Linking Words
 thing can make
society
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 become joyful. In conclusion, I partly agree with to ensure there is only a small variation in
people
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’s income could be a good
way
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 to change
society
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 but not the best one. Creating a good atmosphere in
society
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 could change the lifestyle of poor
people
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.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • distribution of wealth
  • social cohesion
  • social unrest
  • crime rates
  • economic equality
  • overall well-being
  • health outcomes
  • education outcomes
  • motivation
  • innovation
  • equal opportunities
  • wealth redistribution
  • economic growth
  • productivity
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