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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students how to judge right from wrong and how to behave well. Some say that teachers should only teach students academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #teachers #students #judge #right #say #subjects
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A school of thought holds that it is the
teachers
 who are responsible for educating
students
 about right and wrong
while
 the opposite stance asserts that they should focus solely on academic subjects. From my perspective, it is necessary to emphasize both aspects. On the one hand, proponents of the first viewpoint have several reasons to justify their position. They argue that
students
 spend the majority of their time in a day at school, and
thus
,
teachers
 should be the ones who are responsible for teaching
students
 about ethics.
Besides
, an increase in adolescent criminals in recent years has made the role of
teachers
 in preventing young
students
 from going astray has become even greater than ever.
For instance
, if
students
 are fully aware of the detrimental effects of drug addiction, they will be less likely to experiment with drugs.
Moreover
, instilling moral values will enrich
students
’ lives as they will find it really rewarding to aid people in need and are more likely to engage in voluntary
as well as
 charitable activities
such
 as providing food and clothes to the poor or giving textbooks to underprivileged children.
On the other hand
, other people assert that the function of
teachers
 should be only about teaching
students
 academic
knowledge
. They believe that showing children how to behave is the role of parents who possess a deeper understanding of their children compared to
teachers
, and
therefore
, can deliver more impactful lessons.
Furthermore
, in today’s job market, it is undoubted that
knowledge
 is paramount to career success since most jobs require a high level of
knowledge
 and expertise from employees.
Hence
, focusing on academic subjects will increase
students
' employability in the future and alleviate unemployment, contributing to a country’s prosperity
as well as
 societal security as people who have lucrative jobs are less inclined to commit crimes. In conclusion, a balanced focus on both academic subjects and moral values is imperative for a comprehensive education. By integrating these aspects,
students
 can develop not only the
knowledge
 and skills needed for success but
also
 the ethical foundation for a meaningful life.
Submitted by weezel on

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task achievement
Incorporate specific examples or anecdotes to better illustrate your points. Although there are some examples present, adding more can help strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences can be simplified to improve readability. Complex sentence structures can sometimes make the reader lose track of the main point.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and provided a clear and well-argued opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a logical progression of ideas, making it easy to follow your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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