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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe the large shopping malls are replacing local shops which is bad for local economies. What is your opinion?

#people #malls #shops #economies
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For a long time, small businesses have been struggling due to the
on-going
Correct your spelling
ongoing
show examples
 expansion of large companies to every corner and every street.
This
 change has
also
 touched local
shops
 as they have been
taken-over
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taken over
show examples
 by shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
However
, is
this
 a good change? In
this
 essay, I will
illustare
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 why it is better for large companies to take the place of local
shops
.
Firstly
, shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 have become a hub for everyone's needs. It is no secret that shopping
malls
attarct
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attract
 many consumers with different needs and
preferances
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preferences
. If you need a
variaty
Correct your spelling
variety
 of
ingrediants
Correct your spelling
ingredients
, drinks, cooking tools, clothes, perfumes, and more, you will find them in the shopping mall. Local economies thrive on consumer spending.
Therefore
, providing the buyer with many options
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one place, allows them to purchase more items.
In contrast
,
This
 luxury can not be
afforeded
Correct your spelling
afforded
 by local
shops
 which specialize in one aspect.
Hence
,
people
 will always gravitate towards the more convenient option which is the large shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. Another reason is job creation. Large
malls
 hire a great
number
 of
people
 to tailor to the needs of their customers. These jobs include but are not limited to customer service,
cashires
Correct your spelling
cashiers
cashier
, janitors, and security personnel. Economies are based on spending power, and the best way to increase the spending power is by giving
people
 salaries to spend.
Contrasingly
Correct your spelling
Contrastingly
, small
shops
 hire a scarce
number
 of employees to help the buyers.
This
 results in
high
Change the article
a high
the high
show examples
number
 of unemployment. To sum up,
although
 shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and small
shops
 have their advantages and disadvantages, I believe that shopping
malls
 should displace local
shops
 for the sake of the economy. Economies prosper
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 selling goods to the largest
number
 of
people
 possible, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shopping
malls
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 way to achieve that.
Submitted by osamakhojah001 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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