IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries mobile phones have become a normal part of daily life

In many countries mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 have become a normal part of daily life for almost everyone, from professionals
such
Linking Words
 as doctors and lawyers to young children, some
people
Use synonyms
Add the comma(s)
, however,
show examples
however
Linking Words
 would like to see
ownership
Use synonyms
 restricted because of the possible
risks
Use synonyms
 these
phones
Use synonyms
 pose to our health and the negative impact they are already having on society. But should
such
Linking Words
restrictions
Use synonyms
 be imposed? There are some persuasive arguments in favour of restricting
ownership
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, radio wave emissions from mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are known to affect brain activity and some scientists are worried about the effects that these may have on the health of children who use
such
Linking Words
phones
Use synonyms
. It is claimed that fewer
people
Use synonyms
 would be exposed to
risks
Use synonyms
 if
restrictions
Use synonyms
 would be introduced.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is generally agreed that
such
Linking Words
 measures would reduce the number of
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
traffic accidents caused by
people
Use synonyms
 talking on their mobile
phones
Use synonyms
. There is
also
Linking Words
 social impact to consider. It is now common for a concert, a theatrical performance or even
quiet
Correct article usage
a quiet
show examples
 meal in a restaurant to be disrupted by an inconsiderate mobile phone user. It is sometimes said that none of the
worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world
show examples
 would be the case if the government restricted
ownership
Use synonyms
 to professional use only.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are strong arguments against these measures,
firstly
Linking Words
 it is widely believed that mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are indispensable in the case of accidents or the protection they offer. ,
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 it is argued that, if phone companies did more to raise public awareness of the
risks
Use synonyms
 posed by radio phone emissions,
people
Use synonyms
 would only make
a short calls
Correct the article-noun agreement
short calls
a short call
show examples
 from their
phones
Use synonyms
 and these
risks
Use synonyms
 would
then
Linking Words
 be reduced.
Finally
Linking Words
, it is often pointed out that there will always be a minority of inconsiderate
people
Use synonyms
 and that
restrictions
Use synonyms
 on
ownership
Use synonyms
 would unfairly penalise the majority of considerate users. To sum up, I believe that some
restrictions
Use synonyms
 on
ownership
Use synonyms
 to protect young
people
Use synonyms
’s health would probably be a good thing.
However
Linking Words
, adults should have the right to use
a mobile
Correct the article-noun agreement
a mobile phone
mobile phones
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
 if they wish, for both personal and professional purposes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: