IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In contemporary times, merchants usually emphasise that their goods are the newest. In
this
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 essay, I think
this
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 measure is because it can increase the chances of grasping the attention of
customers
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.
However
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,
this
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 essay believes that
this
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 phenomenon will cause some vision fatigue problems, thereby resulting in
customers
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 losing their interest.
To begin
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 with, utilizing the innovation-related aspect to sell
products
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 is indeed a common method, especially in technological
devices
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.
This
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 is because new
products
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 are more likely to grasp consumers' attention, stimulating their willingness to purchase.
Apple
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company
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 is a typical example.
This
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company
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 annually holds a speech to demonstrate its new
devices
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,
such
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 as iPhones, iPads, and
Apple
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 watches. At the same time,
Apple
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company
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 would introduce which system is improved, how much the quality of the screen is enhanced, and where the new appearance is covered. In
this
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 specific introduction, the interest of
customers
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 would surge, consistently purchasing its
products
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, eventually leading to most people suning some
devices
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 about
Apple
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company
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.
In addition
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, many educational experts have indicated that the number of owning iPhones in teenagers, has increased considerably, particularly for the undergraduate group, which exceeds 50 %.
Accordingly
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, using new notions to sell may be a successful method.
However
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,
this
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 situation might become a negative development. Because companies consistently showed their new
products
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,
customers
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 could gradually begin to feel normal, and adept to
this
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 selling measure, eventually causing their vision to fatigue, With sensation fatigued problems,
customers
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 may no longer be willing to purchase the newest
products
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,
For example
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,
although
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Apple
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company
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 still demonstrate its new items every year, those educational suggest that
this
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 purchased trend is becoming steady gradually.
Instead
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,
customers
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 regard these
products
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 as "no new" because these new goods are ubiquitous.
To sum up
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,
while
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 demonstrating new
devices
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 can indeed catch consumers' attention to buy, sustainable illustrating how they are special may ultimately decrease the interest of
customers
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 because
products
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 are not "new" again in
customers
Use synonyms
' viewpoints.

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task achievement
Your essay covers the topic well and addresses both the reasons why businesses emphasize newness in products and the consequences of this focus. However, you need to better articulate your points to improve clarity and coherence. Make sure to clearly link your examples to the main argument you're making.
coherence cohesion
There are instances where your essay is slightly unclear or repetitive. Try to structure your paragraphs more clearly, ensuring each one has a clear main idea and that your argument flows logically from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overusing phrases like 'Apple company' and ensure that your language remains varied to maintain reader interest. Additionally, be cautious about minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings as these can distract from your overall argument.
task achievement
You've effectively used specific examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay and shows a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your discussion and provides a sense of completeness to your response.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
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