IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some individuals who make a lot of money are more successful. While, others believe that individuals who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Discuss both views and give vour opinion.

#individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers #vour
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It is often argued by
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 masses who make a chunk of money are more victorious.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 others opine that Individuals who are benefactors like scientists and mentors are more successful.
This
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 essay will discuss both views as far as I am concerned I am in favour of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
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 notion. To commence with, Individuals
earn
Correct pronoun usage
who earn
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 high incomes are the most successful. To explain
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, because of running
large
Add an article
a large
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 business or occupying high
positions
Add a comma
,positions
show examples
 many masses earn
high
Add an article
a high
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 amount of money per month
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which not only make them live
lavish
Correct article usage
a lavish
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 lifestyle but
also
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 assist them to be popular.
For instance
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, a headline
of
Change preposition
from
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 BBC (British broadcasting corporation) revealed that Elon musk, chief executive of Tesla is
a
Change the article
the
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 wealthiest person
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
a world
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 which makes him more successful and
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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.
As a result
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, It is proved that money makes people able to be successful and
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 in the world. Shifting toward
final
Add an article
the final
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 view, why
contribution
Add an article
a contribution
show examples
 to society is the best way to be victorious due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social respect and vast knowledge.
In other words
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,
profession
Replace the word
professionals
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such
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 as
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
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 and teacher do more efforts in their domain to enhance
the
Change the word
their
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 knowledge as well as they do work for
community
Add an article
the community
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 due to
this
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 they attain respect from
Correct article usage
the byublic
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byublic
Correct your spelling
public
by public
 along with authority. To cite an example,
Dr.
Change the punctuation
Dr
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 A.P.J. Abdul kalam known as the missile man of India contributed not only to science but
also
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 served as the 11th president of India by which he became
Add an article
a well
the well
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well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 person in the world.
Hence
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, It is indisputable fact that community helpers are more successful.
Submitted by lovishhhh on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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