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Band 5.5

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
It is argued that in order to avoid illness and disease, higher authorities ought to focus more on minimising environmental
pollution
 and housing issues. I agree with
this
 notion. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will discuss my point with relevant epitome. To commence with, there is no doubt that the major reason for
spreading
Correct article usage
the spreading
show examples
disease
Change preposition
of disease
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
pollution
.
In other words
, due to industrial factories and vehicles, hazardous gases have spread all over which affects directly the health of the
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. They might be diagnosed with harmful diseases
such
 as Asthma and various respiratory diseases.
For instance
,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
recent forecast demonstrates that the air quality of Delhi is 385 which is no doubt considered very poor.
Moreover
, due to the increment in the number of cars on road not only
pollution
 is increasing but
also
 it becomes a serious life threat to human life.
Thus
, reducing environmental
pollution
 should be the
first
 priority of the government.
Besides
, it is undeniable that there is a huge gap between the demand and supply of houses nowadays which leads to the growth of slums in cities. To elaborate, due to less availability of residences, individuals are forced to live in slums which are not hygienic, and
also
 there are no sanitation facilities for drainage systems and garbage disposal.
Consequently
, people's health might affect.
Therefore
, if people have provided adequate housing facilities, the possibility of illness would be overcome. In conclusion, I believe that government should concentrate on
pollution
 and housing concerns due to widespread gases and smoke which would become a severe problem for human health and
also
 sufficient homes should construct.
Submitted by priyankagill824 on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
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