Some people claim that too much focus and resources have been spent to protect wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words

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Protecting wild animals and birds is one of the many responsibilities that the government prioritizes.
However
, it might face difficult challenges from public opinion
due to
too much attention and funds put into a non-profitable policy. In my perspective,
this
has more advantages than drawbacks.
While
it is true that giving money for preserving wild species may not create profit for the economy, it will be better for long-term stability to maintain some rare species that have a risk of close to extinction. Preventing deforestation
also
saves green space and increases diversity in the biosphere. Humans will be impacted if certain animal species are to become extinct.
For instance
, bees are one of the main sources of creating a variety of foods without them humanity cannot survive within two weeks.
Moreover
, the significant increase in population around the world makes the tourism industry become more viable
consequently
animals and birds are kept in zoos and sanctuaries to provide for tourists.
As a result
,
this
creates numerous jobs and sources of earning income for local people.
Furthermore
, it can
also
significantly contribute to economic growth in that nation.
For example
, Thailand's main source of economy is the tourism industry and has a considerable number of forests for wildlife and uses that to encourage many tourists to visit and have the best experience there. In conclusion,
although
there are still arguments about what should be done for persevering wild animals and birds. I think the government should care about them to put some investment in but not too far to make the
overall
country's financial situation even worse.
Submitted by prinkarn333 on

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task achievement
Your response is well-rounded and you provide clear and comprehensive ideas. However, you can further strengthen your argument by adding more specific examples or statistics to support your main points. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve further, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and make use of more varied linking words to connect your ideas more cohesively.
task achievement
You have effectively covered the topic and provided relevant examples, such as the role of bees and the tourism industry in Thailand.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical flow, making it easy to follow your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wildlife conservation
  • ecosystem preservation
  • sustainable development
  • biodiversity
  • habitat destruction
  • ecological balance
  • ethical responsibility
  • economic benefits
  • endangered species
  • poaching
  • education and awareness
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