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Band 7.5

Many historical sites and museums are mainly visited by tourists, not local people. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract local people to visit this historical sites and museums?

#sites #museums #tourists #people #case #visit
These days, many
museums
 and historical sites seem to appeal mainly to tourists rather than local visitors.
This
 essay intends to discuss some reasons and propose solutions. There are various factors that affect the lower visiting of local
people
. One of the reasons why historic buildings are more attractive to tourists is that local citizens have already visited these places and may already have significant knowledge of their own culture and history;
therefore
, they do not feel excited
while
 revisiting
such
 places.
Besides
, nothing new
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 added to these places over the years, so local
people
 who have been there before do not wish to come back again.
Furthermore
, a large number of local
people
 probably prefer to spend their holidays visiting other areas outside their hometown because they are more interested in learning about other cultures and history rather than their own.
However
, some measures can be taken to spur more interest in local
people
 coming to
museums
. It should be made compulsory to visit historic buildings for local schools.
For instance
, changing the teaching method could attract more students to participate in history courses, so visiting local
museums
 might be the best way to achieve
this
. One possible solution may be for local governments to continually upgrade
museums
 by rotating artefacts and displays, in order to arouse more interest from locals. Different exhibitions could be displayed and promoted more often, focusing on different themes, or aspects of the culture. In conclusion, attracting local
people
 to visit
museums
 and historical sites in their area may be a complex process;
however
, there are a number of ways that locals could be encouraged to do so.
Submitted by nguyengiangbk2018 on

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task response
Your essay provides a relevant response to the task with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, some points lack depth and specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, and there is a good use of cohesive devices. The introduction and conclusion are present and well-developed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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