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Writing Samples
Band 7

Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

Nowadays, the
number
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 of homeless
people
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 in metropolitan
cities
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 has been increasing worldwide. The main causes might be the recession including pricing up and the influx of
people
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 to major
cities
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 for a better quality of life. We can tackle these issues by revitalizing a nation’s economy and by promoting more benefits of living in rural areas to residents living in
cities
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. First of all, because of several aspects
such
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 as a progressively ageing society and a dramatic decrease in the childbirth rate, the larger
cities
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 had a huge negative effect on their economy.
This
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 can exacerbate the whole economic situation,
thus
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 resulting in spending excessive expenditure and
in
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apply
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going bankrupt.
Moreover
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, the phenomenon of urbanisation can cause an influx of rural residents as most of them, especially younger generations, want to pursue a better quality of life or to achieve their dreams in their future careers.
This
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 influx will allow competition in careers to become more challenging for
people
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 in major
cities
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 because of an increasing
number
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 of skilled workers from all over the world.
As a result
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, residents without any skills may end up obtaining no jobs and become homeless in the end. To solve these problems, there are two remedies that governments can do. One of them is that the governments could improve their economic situation again by making a national debt so that an increasing
number
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 of companies can enlarge opportunities for employment for those homeless
people
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 and revitalize their economy.
In addition
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, as the other solution, the government can
also
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 promote the advantages of settling down in rural areas through a variety of media
such
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 as TV or social media. In conclusion, there has been an increasing
number
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 of homeless
people
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 around the world.
This
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 is
due to
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 the recession and an increasing
number
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 of
people
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 moving into
cities
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.
However
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, these issues can be mitigated by making more national debts and by promoting the benefits of a life in the countryside.

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task achievement
The essay touches on some relevant points regarding the causes of homelessness but lacks specific examples or data to support these claims, which would enhance the task response.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding more transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas to improve flow and coherence in the argumentation.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, presenting a definite position on the issue at hand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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