IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries, fathers are playing a greater role in raising their children. Why is this happening? What are the benefits of it?

#countries #fathers #role #children
Nowadays, numerous
children
 are growing up all over the globe, but in their life fathers play a major role in raising them. From my standpoint, I will discuss why the above-mentioned is occurring as well as what are the benefits of it in the upcoming segments.
Firstly
, fathers love their
children
 unconditionally and bear a little pain by themselves.
For instance
, a
father
 living away from his
/
her
children
 will miss him like he has lost one of his bodily organs.
Secondly
, a
father
 will love his
/
her
child
 unconditionally and he will make a lot of sacrifices by himself to keep his offspring away from all the pain.
Therefore
, fathers play a huge part in bringing up their
children
.
Furthermore
, a
father
 will teach his
/
her
child
 all the qualities needed to live with the world.
For example
, a
father
 will be making his
/
her
children
 a gentleman that how to maintain body language which should make an impact on all people.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 a
child
 will absorb every quality as well as a habit from his
father
 as he will act like a role model to his
/
her
child
. All the qualities
such
 as competition will be taught by a
father
 to match shoulder-to-shoulder with the world.
Thus
, a
father
 can make learn numerous things
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 his son
/
daughter that can be crucial throughout their life. Now, discussing the benefits of
this
 particular trend,
first
 and foremost, a
father
's hand on his
children
's heads will make
children
 stress-free.
Moreover
, a
child
 doesn't have to worry about his studies, food and accommodation because all things will be taken care of by his dad.
In addition
, a
father
 can set up a whole new business for his
/
her
children
.
Hence
, these were some benefits discussed above to the
father
. To conclude, a
father
 can his
/
her
children
 love unconditionally that's why he plays a major role in a
child
's growth.
Besides
 , a
father
 can make his
/
her
children
's live stress-free and have everything ready for his
/
her offspring
such
 as business.
Submitted by harshil31099 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: