IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In today's world, it is private companies rather than government who pay for and carry out most on scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #companies #government #research
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern society, it can be witnessed as a phenomenon that most scientific
projects
Use synonyms
 are invested in and practised by private corporations
instead
Linking Words
 of the government. Despite the presence of potential benefits in
this
Linking Words
 issue, I am still of the opinion that its drawbacks carry more weight unless both parties collaborate effectively. On one hand, private corporations often focus on
projects
Use synonyms
 with high market potential and profit opportunities, aiming to commercialize these
projects
Use synonyms
 as soon as possible to earn revenue. Their excessive pursuit of profit can sometimes lead to inappropriate behaviours,
such
Linking Words
 as launching a product with the immaturity of technology
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or manufacturing foods using illegal additives, which presents detrimental impacts on both society and individuals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, governments have sufficient authority, which allows them to invest in scientific programmes with significant social or international impact, aerospace or medical advancement,
for instance
Linking Words
. These
projects
Use synonyms
 generally show low progress and can take many years before achieving their purpose, which can put a strain on the government’s budget, and even cause a drop in money available for other facilities like education or infrastructure. In my opinion, both companies and governments have strengths and weaknesses in supporting scientific research, and cooperation would be a mutual benefit. Scientific
projects
Use synonyms
 regarding beneficial social items,
such
Linking Words
 as household appliances, should be encouraged to be carried out by private corporations,
as well as
Linking Words
 being regulated and certified by the government. As for long-term
projects
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as environmental protection, companies can help raise funds in case of the government’s financial burden. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 private companies excel at rapid innovation and commercialization, governments ensure long-term societal benefits. I firmly believe that a collaborative approach can maximize their respective strengths, driving scientific progress effectively.
Submitted by 18126275033 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more concrete examples to support your arguments, especially when discussing specific projects or initiatives by private companies or governments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all transitions between paragraphs link the ideas and arguments smoothly to maintain a consistent flow of information.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive examination of the responsibilities and impacts of both private companies and governments in scientific research.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the core arguments and present a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: