11.Some people believe that parents have great influence on children’s growth but others think that influence from the outside plays more important role. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some
people
opine that parents play a great role in our childhood. Others state that children are impacted by outsiders. For me, it depends on who you get along with
the most. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss two points of view and give my perspective on it.
On the one
hand, parents are vital in our lives, because they raise and educate us. The guy who you will be in the future depends on your background. For example
, I am a person who is not really interested in computer games, because my parents are very old they did have a computer when I was young. I am also
not good at giving my opinion on one
thing, and I am an introverted guy. Most people
can not understand why I am so quiet but in my childhood, I am not allowed to think a lot. My father was a serious teacher, and I always did things
by the books. Thus
, I have some problems in
communication.
Change preposition
with
On the other hand
, peers are very crucial in our daily lives. When I was a middle school pupil, I joined with
those gangsters, I did some Change preposition
apply
things
terribly. Those were the bad things
I did not want to admit them. Peerships are valuable when you are a teenager. You do not want to be the exception, and you would like to do the stuff most of your classmates do no matter whether it is right or wrong. For instance
, I often see some good students hang out with miserable people
. If no one
corrects their behaviors
, Change the spelling
behaviours
one
day they will make a huge mistake.
In a nutshell, I believe both our guardians and mates have big parts in our lives. Guardians teach us the basic things
when we are kids. Peer pressure is essential for adolescents, and they do not want to be outsiders. Which one
has the most influence on human beings? I believe different people
have different answers for
it.Change preposition
to
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introduction
Make sure to provide a clear introduction to the topic, including a thesis statement that outlines your main points.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to clearly show the connection between ideas.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the task comprehensively. This includes discussing both views thoroughly and stating your own opinion more explicitly.
supported main points
When giving examples, try to make them specific and detailed. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more engaging.
conclusion
A well-structured conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion will make your essay more cohesive.
balanced argument
You successfully discussed both viewpoints on the influence of parents and outsiders in a child’s development.
use of examples
Use of personal anecdotes makes your writing relatable and illustrates your points effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite