IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

At the present time, the popuation of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

#time #popuation #countries #adults #people #advantage #situation #outweight
These days, the inhabitant's age of a nation is a burning issue. While some countries encompass a high percentage of young adults as dwellers, others possess a more
number
 of old
people
.
Although
 there are a
number
 of benefits to
this
 trend, I believe the drawbacks involved are more. On the plus side, the advantage of being young for
society
 is more development and more vitality. When a
society
 abounds with the young, it could be more developed in the future. In fact, young adults are more energetic, in a sense, than
older
Correct pronoun usage
onesolder
show examples
.
Moreover
, the vitality of
people
 is far higher, when they are in their youth. To put it differently,
although
 many older
people
 have a passion for something, younger would be more eager. At the present time, there are many countries that strive to accept young
people
 as an immigrant on the grounds that obstacle to ageing their community.
However
, a large
number
 of young in a country has serious consequences. The most axiomatic argument is a growth of crime and the
second
 would be imposing more cost that government must expense. It is obvious that there is a logical correlation between
people
's age in
society
 and the rate of crime. In another world, growth in the
number
 of young
people
 leads to increased crime. They show a tendency to not enforce a law when they are in their youth.
Furthermore
, the young social need to pay more money for the sake of preparing basic amenities. Take Iran which has a large
number
 of young adults as an example; all governments have to cost a fortune to tackle the housing problems stemming from increasing in the
number
 of young over the past decades. In conclusion, regardless of benefits, I think a younger
society
 is more problematic for a country.
Submitted by behnam.n00001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: