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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the development of technology, children are now living in a world that is completely different from what it was 50 years ago. What problems does this cause for society and the family? what are the solutions to remove these?

Since the
mid of 20th
Correct your spelling
mid-20th
 century,
although
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 the advancement of technology has increased drastically,
this
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 development affects a plethora of human lives, especially adolescents. A bunch of people postulate that
this
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 improvement of automation has many advantages,
while
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 others argue that
this
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 advancement hurts folks' lives.
This
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 essay will discuss the negative impacts of automation on society and the family and give the apparent treatments. The initial drawback is that the growth of technology affects badly family member relationships.
Moreover
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, family units are spending less time together than they were in the past.
For instance
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, recent research conducted at Washington University has shown that American households are spending
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 time together, they only spend 5 hours weekly,
while
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 in the past, they met for more than 20 hours per week.
Therefore
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, it seems clear that the modification of automation fades negatively the family connections. The second issue is that not having any restriction from the administration can be a difficulty that was present in the early stage of any sector; because of the lack of
this
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 trend, more toddlers have been fascinated by cyberspace amenities which create a vast range of diseases.
On the other hand
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, some viable antidotes can be absorbed to diminish the aforesaid difficulties that will
bear
Verb problem
bring
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 positive change for society and the family. The first solution is that several recreational surroundings could play a pivotal role in stringent the companionship between parents and infants.
For example
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, in Bangladesh, most guardians have been taking the initiative to remove their differences with their children which could result in the negative propensity of applied sciences
has decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
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 gradually.
Besides
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, another strategy would be the regulating proneness of exercising telematic accessories by the administration.
This
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 would possibly reduce the rate of various mental and physical disorders.
To sum up
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,
this
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 essay discussed the problems which are developed
due to
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 machinery advancement. These technologies made peoples' lives worse. When the aforementioned ways
would be
Wrong verb form
are
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 taken, all said drawbacks will deteriorate.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, however, the essay lacks a clear overall structure. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas are logically organized throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided a response, but the ideas presented are not fully developed. Work on providing more specific, relevant examples to support your points and ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed.
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