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Band 6

It is often said that we should work to live, not live to work. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#work #points
There is a phrase , which is really important nowadays for
people
 to understand ,
work
 is part of
life
,
life
 is not a part of
work
.
Also
, in my point of view,
people
 have to learn how to flex their working hours and live for a bit.
Firstly
, many
people
 suffer from balancing their
work
time
,
furthermore
, it ends in an unhappy, stressful, and boring
life
. Self-awareness is really important for everyone because
then
 you will recognize what is good for you and for your body.
For example
: It is obvious that working for long hours can make everyone exhausted,
moreover
, continuing
this
 routine will turn out to habit. In the end neither living
life
 for a bit nor looking at the things that we love closely or taking care of them will make us sick mentally. Scientists conclude that the
ones
 who suffer from balancing their daily activities or can easily get bored from their
work
 are the most likely the
ones
 who will suffer from depression or other kinds of mental illnesses
Secondly
, working day and night does not keep any
time
 for our loved
ones
.
In addition
, it is really important for anyone to spend
time
 with their loved
ones
,
however
,
time
 is not waiting for anyone, it just flows away.
As well as
, as anyone, it won't wait persons' working times either.
Nevertheless
, spending enough amount of your
time
 on the things that you love, and focusing on yourself makes
people
 more productive at their
work
 and
also
 helps them control their habits. All in all, there is no
time
 for wasting or making ourselves unhappy for labour.
Moreover
, balancing the
time
 we spend on
work
 will make us more successful and more happy in
life
.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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introduction conclusion present
Provide a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction to set up the main argument of the essay.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use linking words and phrases to improve cohesion.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
complete response
Expand on each point more fully and explicitly state the opposing viewpoint before providing your opinion. This will demonstrate a balanced discussion.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.
complete response
The argument is relevant to the task and the points made are pertinent.
relevant specific examples
You've provided some good examples to support your points, particularly in how overworking can impact mental health.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • financial stability
  • personal development
  • career advancement
  • fulfillment
  • leisure
  • self-care
  • burnout
  • stress
  • setting boundaries
  • professional success
  • personal satisfaction
  • harmonious balance
  • purpose and structure
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