IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is currently believed that children's behavior and misconduct is due to the lack of strict discipline and punishment applied by parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Parental styles have
been
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apply
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significantly changed
from
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over
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 the past decades.
This
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 topic has
been been
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apply
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stirred up controversy widely. I agree to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 certain extent that without discipline and
purnishment
Correct your spelling
punishment
 by parents, it can lead to children's behaviour and misconduct. In
this
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 essay, my opinion will be
further
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 explained.
Firstly
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, a child should have
freedom
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the freedom
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 to think and act. Setting up too strict rules will limit the kid
to think
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from thinking
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 out of the box and eventually lead to
lack
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a lack
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 of self-confidence. They will not dare to take any risk or even accept a new challenge in life because they are scared to fail and
then
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purnished
Correct your spelling
punished
 by adults. To illustrate
this
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 point, in the classroom, Asians will not raise a hand to answer or discuss because they do not want to be
purnised
Correct your spelling
punished
 if it is wrong
unlike
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, unlike
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 the Western
that
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who
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 freely discuss and debate with the instructors.
In addition
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, 75% of teenagers
commited
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committed
 a small crime
such
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 as picking
pocket
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pockets
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, stealing and
etc
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etc,
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comes
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come
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 from
the family
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families
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 that have set up
limitation
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limitations
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to
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for
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 their children. They want to express their feelings and opinions
but
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, but
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 none of
family
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the family
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member
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members
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 opens their minds to listen. In consequence, they misbehave
to
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in
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the
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apply
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society just to ask for
attentions
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attention
show examples
 from the
guidances
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guidance
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.
Moreover
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, violence is not a good
purnishment
Correct your spelling
punishment
to
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for
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 a kid. It will
be slowly
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slowly be
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perceive
Wrong verb form
perceived
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 in the kids'
head
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heads
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 that using
violent
Replace the word
violence
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 is the solution when there is a problem occurs. In consequence, it leads to
bigger
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a bigger
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 scale, to
the
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apply
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society. Imagine if every child
uses
Wrong verb form
used
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 weapons,
such
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 as guns
,
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apply
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 or
knives
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knives,
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 to address a problem. The crime rate
of
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, of
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course
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course,
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 will dramatically increase
and
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, and
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 every resident
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to live with fear.
To conclude
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, being strict with kids does not positively affect young
.
Check wording
people.
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 They should have
a
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the
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 freedom to think, act and choose.
Besides
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, it leads to violence in the future.

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structure
Have a clear plan: write an intro, 2 or 3 body parts, then a short end.
task-fulfillment
Stick to the task. Say your view, then add a few strong ideas and one or two clear examples.
coherence
Make ideas go in a set order. Use words to link them, like also, but, so.
grammar
Fix small wrongs. Check spell and grammar and write in simple, clear sentences.
lexical
Choose real, easy examples. Do not use big claims that are hard to prove.
content
You show a clear want to talk on the topic and share your view.
content
You give reasons and some examples to back your view.
content
There is an attempt to explain how rules and choice can affect kids’ acts.
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