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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is currently believed that children's behavior and misconduct is due to the lack of strict discipline and punishment applied by parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

A child's upbringing is deeply influenced by the atmosphere at their home. A number of people believe that negative traits displayed by a kid
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 usually because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of discipline enforced by their parents.
However
Linking Words
, I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion as misconduct can
also
Linking Words
 be eliminated by other methods
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 teaching moral values and ethics
rather
Punctuation problem
, rather
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 than punishment or strict rules.
Firstly
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, not all mistakes require tough regulations.
On the contrary
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, punishments instil fear in children. Kids get scared that they would be hurt physically or mentally if things go wrong. Not only
the
Verb problem
do the
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 children start to hide things
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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also
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 do not trust their parents with their feelings anymore.
For example
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, if a student is scolded for scoring
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 marks,
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
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starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
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 editing or hiding their report cards in future.
Therefore
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,
instead
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 of committing
lesser
Correct word choice
fewer
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 mistakes, they are pushed deep into the pool of
wrong-doings
Use the right word
wrongdoings
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.
Secondly
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, fewer boundaries between a parent and a child can strengthen their bond. The kid shares a deeper value of trust and can confide in their guardians for everything.
Due to
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which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, a safe room can be created for the child to learn new things and let go of unhealthy choices.
For instance
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, when an infant is taught not to hit others because it can hurt someone
instead
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 of
punishing
Verb problem
being
show examples
 them, it teaches them social values. In conclusion, I just want to say that penalising a person does not correct mistakes.
Instead
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teaching
Punctuation problem
, teaching
show examples
 them right from wrong can help totally remove the errors.
Hence
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, guardians should focus more on creative ways to eliminate bad manners.

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weakness
Add more real details for each point to make the idea more full.
advice
Link ideas with simple words like first, then, also, finally to show how ideas fit.
advice
Try to show depth by using more than one example and explain how it helps the point.
strength
Clear view against the claim.
strength
Has a plan with intro, body, and end.
strength
Uses examples to show ideas.
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