Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others believe that people should be free to do any sports or activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The inspiring world of
sports
in the twenty-first century provides tremendous levels of challenges Use synonyms
as well as
opportunities for a broad spectrum of enthusiasts. Linking Words
Although
one group is of the opinion that hazardous athletic activities ought to be prohibited, the other group, myself included, argues that increasing the Linking Words
awareness
of the public is paramount.
On the one hand, many citizens are claiming that a few particular precarious Use synonyms
sports
should be banned if we intend to keep the younger generation safe. If parents kept their cherished teenagers away from perilous athletic activities Use synonyms
such
as racing cars and motors, Linking Words
for example
, there would be fewer casualties Linking Words
as a
Linking Words
result
, a recent Harvard study revealed. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, precarious Linking Words
sports
are detrimental to the well-being of athletes and will not only Use synonyms
result
in maims and mutilations but Use synonyms
also
may potentially lead to mortal incidents. Linking Words
Hence
, it makes sense from the perspective of Linking Words
this
group to outlaw any athletic activity or hobby that they do not prove to be secure.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, others, like me, argue that even the safest Linking Words
sports
can sometimes be fatal and imposing a ban only increases the risk of a heavy backfire and Use synonyms
as a
Linking Words
result
, Use synonyms
awareness
is our only option. If bans are introduced, juveniles may decide to go underground and practice their hobbies in a stealthy manner, Use synonyms
for instance
. Linking Words
Moreover
, even safe Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
such
as football or table tennis randomly bring about severe cardiovascular or respiratory accidents or even deaths, as we observe samples of Linking Words
such
tragic events on television. Linking Words
Therefore
, the only prudent policy that can achieve the desired outcome is increasing the Linking Words
awareness
of the public regarding perilous activities and the best strategies to mitigate their pernicious ramifications, not depriving them of their liberties.
In conclusion, some express a favourable view for outlawing hazardous Use synonyms
sports
to increase safety, Use synonyms
however
, others, including me, believe that it is essential to avoid that miscalculation to prevent secretive practice sessions which can Linking Words
result
in a more devastating outcome. Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, if we adopt a holistic approach, raising the Linking Words
awareness
of the public Use synonyms
while
keeping their freedom is the superior strategy when dealing with Linking Words
this
challenge .Linking Words
Submitted by sajjad.talebi2020 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
In the 'Task Achievement' area, you have done well by covering both viewpoints and providing clear arguments. However, further development of examples would add to the richness of your essay. Try to include a specific instance or study result for both viewpoints instead of relying on general assertions.
coherence cohesion
For 'Coherence and Cohesion,' your essay structure is logical, and it's easy to follow your arguments. However, try to use more transitional phrases and linking words to connect the ideas more smoothly throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Excellent introduction and conclusion that beautifully encapsulate your arguments. They are both clear and effective in framing the discussion.
supported main points
You have supported your points well, providing a good balance between the various aspects of the debate. The main arguments are well backed up, although examples can be more detailed.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?