Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others believe that people should be free to do any sports or activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The inspiring world of
sports
in the twenty-first century provides tremendous levels of challenges as well as
opportunities for a broad spectrum of enthusiasts. Although
one group is of the opinion that hazardous athletic activities ought to be prohibited, the other group, myself included, argues that increasing the awareness
of the public is paramount.
On the one hand, many citizens are claiming that a few particular precarious sports
should be banned if we intend to keep the younger generation safe. If parents kept their cherished teenagers away from perilous athletic activities such
as racing cars and motors, for example
, there would be fewer casualties as a
result
, a recent Harvard study revealed. Furthermore
, precarious sports
are detrimental to the well-being of athletes and will not only result
in maims and mutilations but also
may potentially lead to mortal incidents. Hence
, it makes sense from the perspective of this
group to outlaw any athletic activity or hobby that they do not prove to be secure.
On the other hand
, others, like me, argue that even the safest sports
can sometimes be fatal and imposing a ban only increases the risk of a heavy backfire and as a
result
, awareness
is our only option. If bans are introduced, juveniles may decide to go underground and practice their hobbies in a stealthy manner, for instance
. Moreover
, even safe sports
such
as football or table tennis randomly bring about severe cardiovascular or respiratory accidents or even deaths, as we observe samples of such
tragic events on television. Therefore
, the only prudent policy that can achieve the desired outcome is increasing the awareness
of the public regarding perilous activities and the best strategies to mitigate their pernicious ramifications, not depriving them of their liberties.
In conclusion, some express a favourable view for outlawing hazardous sports
to increase safety, however
, others, including me, believe that it is essential to avoid that miscalculation to prevent secretive practice sessions which can result
in a more devastating outcome. Nevertheless
, if we adopt a holistic approach, raising the awareness
of the public while
keeping their freedom is the superior strategy when dealing with this
challenge .Submitted by sajjad.talebi2020 on
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task achievement
In the 'Task Achievement' area, you have done well by covering both viewpoints and providing clear arguments. However, further development of examples would add to the richness of your essay. Try to include a specific instance or study result for both viewpoints instead of relying on general assertions.
coherence cohesion
For 'Coherence and Cohesion,' your essay structure is logical, and it's easy to follow your arguments. However, try to use more transitional phrases and linking words to connect the ideas more smoothly throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Excellent introduction and conclusion that beautifully encapsulate your arguments. They are both clear and effective in framing the discussion.
supported main points
You have supported your points well, providing a good balance between the various aspects of the debate. The main arguments are well backed up, although examples can be more detailed.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?