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Band 6

Reopening new mining companies on islands can be harmful to the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #islands #environment
In the state-of-the-art era, the opening of a new
gold
 mining
company
 in remote areas is better as it has promising resources. Some people argue that
this
 has harmful effects on nature and the local society who live there,
while
 others believe that
this
 will be advantageous.
This
 essay has a greater tendency toward the establishment of a
gold
 mine on the island
due to
 economic and social factors. The establishment of a
gold
 mining
company
 contributes to the rise of the country’s economic sources. In
this
 circumstance, there will be a lot of investors who come to the island for business purposes which will strengthen the economy’s revenue of the country itself.
This
 will boost the Gross Domestic Product (GDP) as the
company
 should pay taxes to the authority.
For instance
, a
gold
 mining
company
 in Indonesia should pay tax to the government of at least 0.45% of the total sales.
Therefore
,
this
 will hike the per capita income of the state.
Furthermore
,
this
 mining firm can reduce the number of jobless in a particular area.
In other words
,
this
 can provide job markets for society who live near the mining sites. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, prosperity numbers can undergo a considerable increase since all communities can get well-paid jobs. Unfortunately, many locals may not get the job since most of the workers are hired from various places or even from different countries. It is undeniable that the discharge of foreign employees to the residents is daunting. Despite that problem, the government can simply provide special job fields for the local people to guarantee the prosperity of individuals’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. To illustrate, some mining companies in Indonesia prioritize the natives for working in their offices. In conclusion,
although
 locating a
gold
 mining
company
 on the island has drawbacks for its residents, it might be advantageous for the growth of the country’s economy
as well as
 ensure the sustainability of the citizens’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance and tackles the topic question, but it could further address potential negative environmental impacts.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas are generally well-organized, but transitions between them could be smoothed out for better cohesion. Additionally, the development of paragraphs can be improved with better topic sentences and more deliberate concluding sentences.
lexical resource
The lexical resource shows a good range of vocabulary, but more sophisticated and varied language could be used to strengthen arguments and express ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
There is a decent range of grammatical structures, but avoid overly complex sentences that lead to errors or hinder clarity. Strive to use a variety of sentence structures effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ecosystem disruption
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • habitat destruction
  • pollution
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable sources
  • economic gains
  • export revenues
  • eco-friendly
  • regulations
  • land rehabilitation
  • environmental degradation
  • eco-tourism
  • case study
What to do next:
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