IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do agree or disagree?

#governments #places
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Smoking is injurious to
health
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,without a doubt.Some governments have shown their sincerity by banning it in all public places.I fully support the move as public smoking is a
health
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 hazard to others,inspires young ones,and causes pollution.
Firstly
Linking Words
,smokers injure their own
health
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 as well as the others around them.In public,
cigarette
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 smoke is inhaled by even non-smokers,resulting in passive smoking,which is declared to be as hazardous as lighting a
cigarette
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 oneself and smoking it.
This
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 results in major
health
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 threats to even those who did not have a choice,which is unfair.
Therefore
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,others'
health
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 should not be put at risk by allowing people to light a
cigarette
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 in public places.
Secondly
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,youngsters usually follow the trend and watching someone smoke may tempt them to adopt the same way.To illustrate,according to the national TB survey report,people usually start smoking by taking inspiration from someone around them
such
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 as a father or a friend.We can not afford more youngsters falling for
this
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 curse,
that is
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 why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it is better to ban smoking
at
Change preposition
in
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 public spots.
Lastly
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, cigarettes cause pollution.The smoke produced by those
,
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apply
show examples
contributes to air pollution.
For instance
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,smoking was proclaimed to be the major contributing factor to the increased smog in Lahore
this
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 year,by climate specialists.
In addition
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 to that,
cigarette
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 buds are usually found scattered especially in clubs and bars.We can not afford people polluting streets and other public places in
such
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 a way.
Thus
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 smoking should not be allowed publically. To conclude,doctors and researchers have been struggling to spread awareness about the disadvantages of tobacco to personal
health
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 as well as the environment.Now,it is high time that we take a strict stance and ban smoking in public once and for all.
Submitted by saphire8619 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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