IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Why do students prefer doing part time jobs during their studies? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages?

It has been known that a number of
students
Use synonyms
 choose to
work
Use synonyms
 when they study. I believe that
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 sides of
this
Linking Words
 behaviour
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 because of different reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, due to the fact that starting the working life constitutes the main purpose of many people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have studied various fields, they ought to prepare
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 real business conditions as soon as possible. To illustrate, a young person who has
educated
Add a missing verb
been educated
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
waits for making
money
Use synonyms
 which accounts for
essential
Add an article
the essential
show examples
 aim of adolescents in
quite
Correct your spelling
quiet
show examples
 countries. In fact, the
students
Use synonyms
 can
reached
Change the verb form
be reached
reach
show examples
 to
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 opportunity to meet
difficulties
Correct article usage
the difficulties
show examples
 of earning
money
Use synonyms
 to live by working. It
also
Linking Words
enable
Change the verb form
enables
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their parents who suffer from poverty, in terms of
money
Use synonyms
 issues.
Therefore
Linking Words
, working
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 when during
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
,
has
Add the particle
tohas
show examples
 vary of advantages for young citizens.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 jobs might have some downsides
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many aspects
such
Linking Words
 as
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
 difficulties of jobs, ages of employees as well as schedules of schools.
For example
Linking Words
, if a college student
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has to
work
Use synonyms
 to afford his education or different needs, goes heavy
work
Use synonyms
, he can not keep up with his friends due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
becoming exhausted.
Moreover
Linking Words
, no one can deny that
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 job is suitable for
seconday
Correct your spelling
secondary
 education
students
Use synonyms
 not younger ages than it.
Finally
Linking Words
, if class programs are carried out
similtanously
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
job
Change preposition
with job
show examples
 hours, the student might choose
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 in case of poverty.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, all of these thoughts should be concerned by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and if we consider regular
curcimstances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
, it can be evaluated that working
Use synonyms
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for
students
Use synonyms
 has positive
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
life
life's
. To conclude, going to
work
Use synonyms
 during the study has various advantages for young people
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many aspects like meeting real business
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 early and helping their families by
makig
Correct your spelling
making
money
Use synonyms
 in appropriate situations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: