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Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matter(such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their wishes. other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

#people #children #choices #matter #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions #matters
It is claimed
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
several people that allowing
children
 to make their own choices on daily matters
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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mostly
to result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
 in
society
Add an article
a society
show examples
 of individuals who only think about their own wishes, while some populations believe that it is important for
children
 to make
decisions
 about facts that affect them. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 opinion and would like to highlight various advantages and drawbacks of encouraging the importance for
children
 to make
decisions
 about daily matters. I agree because of
below
Correct article usage
the below
show examples
 major
resonse
Correct your spelling
response
.
Firstly
, studies on
children
 show that it is key of being
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
 who has
confidence
Add an article
a confidence
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
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 solving problems, could able to
fast moving
Add a hyphen
fast-moving
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decision
, it starts from their childhood education and family history.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
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tho
Correct your spelling
to
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this
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 start to give
desicions
Correct your spelling
decisions
from
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at
show examples
beginning
Add an article
the beginning
show examples
 of their life, they can
easly
Correct your spelling
easily
 face to impacts and results of their
decisions
.
For instance
, if the child decided to go
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to kindergarden
show examples
kindergarden
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
by
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in
show examples
 a summer dress
on
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in
show examples
 the winter time, parents can explain to
situation
Add an article
the situation
a situation
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 of weather and dress contrast but they would
also
 add that the
decision
 will be the
child
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child's
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. When the child leaves
from
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apply
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home and felt
to
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too
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 cold, he/she
understand
Correct subject-verb agreement
understands
show examples
 how he should profit about
experience
Add an article
the experience
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 about his/her
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
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 experience. Otherside, if
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
 would insist
about
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on
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 their
decision
,
kid
Add an article
the kid
a kid
show examples
 would never face to results of his/her
decision
 and he would never experience
about
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apply
show examples
that. There are many young
individiul
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
 in
society
 who
doesnt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 face
of
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apply
show examples
any result of their
decisions
 and fall down even if there is a small problem.
On the other hand
, I believe
in
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apply
show examples
also
 that allowing
children
 to make their own choices on every
issues
Change to a singular noun
issue
show examples
, has some
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
society
 of individuals who only think about their own wishes but
this
 is not the only reason for
this
. Parent has
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 role in
this
 part because families ought to educate their
children
how
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on how
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 to respect our
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 and others when
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 give our
decisions
. To give our
decisions
 will be some results and
this
 result has to be respectful
and
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apply
show examples
should consider we are not
only
Correct article usage
the only
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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 in
this
 world. Individual needs to belong
a
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to a
show examples
society
 and
society
 has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
 rules
by
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apply
show examples
laws and value judgements. In conclusion, I would like to firmly agree with the idea of
children
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 their own
decisions
 about daily matters to start a life earlier and
society
 should respect them since they are
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of our community by
also
 teaching them how to make
Add an article
a decision
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 inside of
society
 and respect other
alives
Correct your spelling
lives
alive
.
Submitted by meltembal24 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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