IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matter(such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their wishes. other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

#people #children #choices #matter #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions #matters
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It is claimed
by
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apply
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several people that allowing
children
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 to make their own choices on daily matters
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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mostly
to result
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results
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 in
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society
Add an article
a society
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 of individuals who only think about their own wishes, while some populations believe that it is important for
children
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 to make
decisions
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 about facts that affect them. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
Linking Words
second
Change the article
the second
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 opinion and would like to highlight various advantages and drawbacks of encouraging the importance for
children
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 to make
decisions
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 about daily matters. I agree because of
below
Correct article usage
the below
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 major
resonse
Correct your spelling
response
.
Firstly
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, studies on
children
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 show that it is key of being
indiviuals
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individuals
individual
 who has
confidence
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a confidence
show examples
about
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in
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 solving problems, could able to
fast moving
Add a hyphen
fast-moving
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decision
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, it starts from their childhood education and family history.
In
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addition
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,addition
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tho
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to
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this
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, if
the
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apply
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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 start to give
desicions
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decisions
from
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at
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beginning
Add an article
the beginning
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 of their life, they can
easly
Correct your spelling
easily
 face to impacts and results of their
decisions
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.
For instance
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, if the child decided to go
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to kindergarden
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kindergarden
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
by
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in
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 a summer dress
on
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in
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 the winter time, parents can explain to
situation
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the situation
a situation
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 of weather and dress contrast but they would
also
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 add that the
decision
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 will be the
child
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child's
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. When the child leaves
from
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apply
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home and felt
to
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too
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 cold, he/she
understand
Correct subject-verb agreement
understands
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 how he should profit about
experience
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the experience
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 about his/her
parents
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parent's
parents'
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 experience. Otherside, if
family
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the family
a family
show examples
 would insist
about
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on
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 their
decision
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,
kid
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the kid
a kid
show examples
 would never face to results of his/her
decision
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 and he would never experience
about
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apply
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that. There are many young
individiul
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
 in
society
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 who
doesnt
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doesn't
 face
of
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apply
show examples
any result of their
decisions
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 and fall down even if there is a small problem.
On the other hand
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, I believe
in
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apply
show examples
also
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 that allowing
children
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 to make their own choices on every
issues
Change to a singular noun
issue
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, has some
affects
Replace the word
effects
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in
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on
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 a
society
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 of individuals who only think about their own wishes but
this
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 is not the only reason for
this
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. Parent has
important
Add an article
an important
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 role in
this
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 part because families ought to educate their
children
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how
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on how
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 to respect our
enviroment
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environment
 and others when
we
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they
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 give our
decisions
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. To give our
decisions
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 will be some results and
this
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 result has to be respectful
and
Correct word choice
apply
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should consider we are not
only
Correct article usage
the only
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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 in
this
Linking Words
 world. Individual needs to belong
a
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to a
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society
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 and
society
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 has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
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 rules
by
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apply
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laws and value judgements. In conclusion, I would like to firmly agree with the idea of
children
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make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 their own
decisions
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 about daily matters to start a life earlier and
society
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 should respect them since they are
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of our community by
also
Linking Words
 teaching them how to make
Use synonyms
Add an article
a decision
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 inside of
society
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 and respect other
alives
Correct your spelling
lives
alive
.
Submitted by meltembal24 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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