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Band 6

The most important reasons for a young person to attend a university is to increase the amount of money that he or she will earn in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #university #amount #money #future
These days,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
yong
Correct your spelling
young
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
 makes a number of income the main
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
 in choosing a major in a university. Of course, it is important to think about the future and aim to be wealthy.
However
, I do not think it has to be the main reason
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 deciding
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
, and
therefore
 I strongly disagree with it.
First
 of all, the list of courses that offer
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
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nice
paid
Replace the word
pay
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 is quite limited.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
occupation like
nurse
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a nurse
the nurse
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, data scientist, doctor etc
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the most
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 courses because those wages are above the average. Because of that, the students
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
interest
Add an article
an interest
show examples
 in other
major
Fix the agreement mistake
majors
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 as much as those
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 of
studies
Fix the agreement mistake
study
show examples
. Meanwhile, if people
willing
Add a missing verb
are willing
show examples
 to take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research more about
other
Change the wording
another career path
other career paths
show examples
career
 path, they will find
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 more successful
perons
Correct your spelling
person
persons
 working as a writer, a photographer, a pianist and others. That may happen because they work and choose their
career
 regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their passion. Even if others give a huge offer, it is not affected
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them.
Secondly
, the amount of an employee's fee
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
 depends on
he
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 or
she
Correct pronoun usage
her
show examples
competenies
Correct your spelling
competencies
 and tangible skills.
In other words
, you will get a good salary as long as you
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the company's
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
.
For instance
, in my country
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 every medical
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
 build
their
Change the word
a
show examples
career
 in the health field.
Otherwise
, they had started their small business and
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 an entrepreneur.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the money they already spent in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical school was a lot, they had taken a new step and followed
other
Change the wording
another career possibility
other career possibilities
show examples
career
 possibility.
Finally
, they gained their own tangible skills and be that person who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 competencies in
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 field. In a conclusion, setting aside the number of our bank account, people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a right to study
align
Correct word choice
and align
show examples
 based on their basic talent and potential. As an
adolesent
Correct your spelling
adolescent
 who has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 freedom to explore various
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
, we have to believe that our passion is
come
Change the verb form
to come
coming
show examples
first
. I believe the high amount of income will match our high value.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

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