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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more students are choosing to study abroad. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Pursuing a degree overseas is becoming a trend among the
students
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. Exposure to an international environment is the main benefit of
this
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 issue, which outweighs the main drawback of the challenge to tackle the communication barrier. On one hand, the challenge emerges for
students
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 studying abroad when it comes to communication, as they must navigate speaking, reading, and writing in a foreign language, particularly at the outset of their academic journey. The absence of their native tongue complicates the learning process, requiring their brains to translate subject matter before grasping its essence.
Consequently
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, these
students
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 may struggle to fully comprehend reading materials, articulate their ideas, and engage in meaningful discussions with their peers, necessitating more time and effort.
Consequently
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, achieving their desired academic result becomes more elusive if
this
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 struggle persists.
In contrast
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, those studying in their home country, where courses are delivered in their native language, often find academic success to be more readily attainable. On the flip side, notwithstanding the drawbacks, I contend that attending school in another country can yield more advantages.
Firstly
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, studying abroad provides
students
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 with the opportunity to navigate their roles in a multicultural environment, interacting with peers and educators from diverse backgrounds.
This
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 exposure encourages them to embrace differences and foster tolerance through the exchange of their native foods, customs, and local insights.
Secondly
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,
students
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 can contribute their unique perspectives on various topics in class,
thus
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 collectively enhancing the depth of discussions.
For instance
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,
students
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 hailing from tropical regions might offer insights into diseases like malaria, which are absent in countries with higher latitudes. These dual benefits play a pivotal role in shaping
students
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' futures and acclimating them to thrive in international settings. In conclusion,
although
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 overseas
students
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 may
initially
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 encounter challenges in comprehending study materials and articulating their ideas, the broader advantages of integrating into and contributing to the diversity of the real world outweigh these difficulties.
Therefore
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, I maintain a strong conviction that the benefits derived from the growing trend of
students
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 pursuing education abroad far exceed the drawbacks.

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coherence cohesion
Your argument is well-structured, and your ideas logically progress from one point to the next. This makes your essay easy to follow and helps to maintain the reader's interest. To further improve coherence, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to more seamlessly connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, affirming your stance clearly. To enhance your introduction and conclusion, strive to make your thesis and concluding statement even more striking. Use stronger, more compelling language to ensure your stance is memorable.
task achievement
Your essay tackles the prompt effectively, providing a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad. For an even stronger task achievement score, aim to provide more specific, varied examples to support your arguments. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or personal anecdotes to add depth and credibility to your points.
task achievement
While your essay largely presents clear and comprehensive ideas, there's always room for improvement in terms of detail and depth. Challenge yourself to go deeper into each point, perhaps by exploring the implications or offering solutions to the disadvantages mentioned. This level of analysis can make your essay stand out.
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