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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rixh and poor people, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays,
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of technology become part of our daily
living
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. Some
says
Change the verb form
say
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 that between rich and poor
people
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inequality is undeniably obvious. But some
people
Use synonyms
 disagree. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both of my
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 wherein rich
people
Use synonyms
 do not find it hard to avail
updated
Change preposition
of updated
show examples
 gadgets. While
on the other hand
Linking Words
, poor
people
Use synonyms
 find it more difficult to
catch-up
Correct your spelling
catch up
show examples
 and my opinion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, due to the upgrading. Rich
people
Use synonyms
 can afford to buy the latest and fastest model of gadgets because of
this
Linking Words
 they do not have any difficulty
to finish
Change the verb form
finishing
show examples
 their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, those who are working remotely, because they have fast internet connection in their houses. They can finish and submit their document in no
time
Use synonyms
 and they even spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their families. While
on the other hand
Linking Words
, those who cannot afford do not have a choice but to work at the office and spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 there. Because have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 hard
time
Use synonyms
 finishing their job without a good internet connection.
Secondly
Linking Words
, because of the recent
pandemic
Add a comma
,pandemic
show examples
 we experience. Online
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 become popular. And I could say those who are
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural area find it hard to attend their class because of financial
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. They cannot afford to have their own laptop
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
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 even a smartphone.
For
Linking Words
example
Add an article
an example
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 of
this
Linking Words
, those who have 3 or more
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 and
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 job
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
at
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
show examples
 rate. Before
Correct article usage
the pandemic
show examples
pandemic
Add a comma
,pandemic
show examples
 it is easier for them to send their kids to school because they just need money for snacks. But through
online
Add an article
an online
show examples
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
, they need to use only 1 phone for them
ti
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
finish
Change the verb form
finishes
show examples
 their assignments. In conclusion, because of modern technology poor
people
Use synonyms
 are having
hard
Add an article
a hard
show examples
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
catch-up because they cannot afford to avail
the
Correct pronoun usage
themselves the
show examples
upgraded
Change preposition
of upgraded
show examples
 gadgets. While the rich can have the access to everything including
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
show examples
 internet connection.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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