There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In
this
passage, we are going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the several factors that motivate
people
to stay in the workforce and
is
Correct word choice
whether is
show examples
money
the most important reason or factor for
this
. In my opinion, yes
money
is the most important factor for many
people
to stay in the workforce. The working personnel is the backbone of any nation or company, the smooth working of the organization depends on the wellness and contentment of the labour pool. There are various reasons that motivate the public to work in an industry some of the reasons can be the security of getting a paycheck at the end of every month which is unlikely if you own a
business
or work as a freelancer,
business
owners can bare a loss in their
business
which many
people
are not ready to accept. Having a regular salary paid monthly gives the common man a sense of stability and safety in their life. While
money
is the critical aspect for being a part of the labour pool many
people
are programmed from their childhood to get a degree and secure a
good paying
Add a hyphen
good-paying
show examples
job in a reputed company, the idea of
staring
Correct your spelling
starting
show examples
a
business
or a startup is generally frowned upon because of the instability and persistence it requires to establish and run a successful
business
. What we conclude from
this
is that
money
plays a crucial role for the public to join the workforce many
people
are ready to work under someone and have a secure job with
constant
Add an article
a constant
the constant
show examples
flow of
money
with a stable life.
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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • basic needs
  • career advancement
  • pension
  • job satisfaction
  • sense of purpose
  • social connections
  • workplace relationships
  • intellectual stimulation
  • societal norms
  • earning potential
  • motivation
  • livelihood
  • financial independence
  • professional growth
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