IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people are choosing to move to cities. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #cities #trend
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There has been a remarkable increase in the number of
people
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 who prefer to go to a
city
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 to live there.
Where as
Correct your spelling
Whereas
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 some
people
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 believe that living in a
city
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 has more positives
while
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 it is debatable, I would argue that why the negatives of
such
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 a trend outweigh the positives. Considering
firstly
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 the negatives, cities
always
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are always
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 crowded with
Correct quantifier usage
more
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many
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more
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people
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 than other places.
As well as
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, there is no doubt that if
people
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 are living in urban areas they will face some pollution
such
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 as noise, air or water.
For example
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,
in
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apply
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many developing cities have lots of
factory
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factories
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that
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 why
in
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apply
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there
Replace the word
their
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air
Add an article
the air
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 is the worse than countryside because
factory
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factories
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 produce a higher amount of carbon dioxide.
Consequently
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, health problems and respiratory troubles will occur more in a
city
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such
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 as Asthma or Bronchitis.
On the other hand
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, one of the most significant advantages that a
city
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 has is that luxury life.
In addition
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, it is comfortable for every
things
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thing
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such
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 as education, shopping and
have
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having
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 a rest.
For instance
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, I live in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 countryside but I have to attend to education center
where
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that
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 is located in
Add an article
the
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city
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 center because
in
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apply
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my hometown
has
Verb problem
does
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 not
good
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have good
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opportunity
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opportunities
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 to study.
Besides
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, I have to go to
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city
Add an article
the city
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 to buy some items because in the
cities'
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cities
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 products are
the
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apply
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cheaper than countryside
also
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 we can find some items
in
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apply
show examples
there
what
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that
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 we research
such
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 as different kinds of clothes,
food
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and food
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 stuff. In conclusion, I believe that the negatives of air pollution and traffic that come with moving to a
city
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 outweigh the positives of having a well-educated child or a
luxury
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luxurious
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 life.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are weak and need to be improved for better coherence.
task achievement
The essay lacks a clear focus on the task question and needs to address the prompt directly.
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