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Band 4.5

Many people are choosing to move to cities. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #cities #trend
There has been a remarkable increase in the number of
people
 who prefer to go to a
city
 to live there.
Where as
Correct your spelling
Whereas
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 some
people
 believe that living in a
city
 has more positives
while
 it is debatable, I would argue that why the negatives of
such
 a trend outweigh the positives. Considering
firstly
 the negatives, cities
always
Add a missing verb
are always
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 crowded with
Correct quantifier usage
more
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many
Fix the agreement mistake
more
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people
 than other places.
As well as
, there is no doubt that if
people
 are living in urban areas they will face some pollution
such
 as noise, air or water.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
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many developing cities have lots of
factory
Change to a plural noun
factories
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that
is
Change the verb form
are
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 why
in
Change preposition
apply
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there
Replace the word
their
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air
Add an article
the air
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 is the worse than countryside because
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
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 produce a higher amount of carbon dioxide.
Consequently
, health problems and respiratory troubles will occur more in a
city
such
 as Asthma or Bronchitis.
On the other hand
, one of the most significant advantages that a
city
 has is that luxury life.
In addition
, it is comfortable for every
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
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such
 as education, shopping and
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 a rest.
For instance
, I live in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 countryside but I have to attend to education center
where
Correct word choice
that
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 is located in
Add an article
the
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city
 center because
in
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apply
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my hometown
has
Verb problem
does
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 not
good
Add a missing verb
have good
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opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 to study.
Besides
, I have to go to
city
Add an article
the city
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 to buy some items because in the
cities'
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cities
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 products are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cheaper than countryside
also
 we can find some items
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there
what
Correct word choice
that
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 we research
such
 as different kinds of clothes,
food
Correct word choice
and food
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 stuff. In conclusion, I believe that the negatives of air pollution and traffic that come with moving to a
city
 outweigh the positives of having a well-educated child or a
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
 life.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are weak and need to be improved for better coherence.
task achievement
The essay lacks a clear focus on the task question and needs to address the prompt directly.
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