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Writing Samples
Band 6

People are surrounded by advertisement which has an increase effect on our lives. Do you think the positive effect of this outweigh the negative effects?

#people #advertisement #effect #lives #outweigh #effects
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At the moment, famous
people
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 are more well-known for their glamour and wealth than for their
achievments
Correct your spelling
achievements
 and
this
Linking Words
give
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gives
show examples
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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affect
Replace the word
effect
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 on
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation. I personally agree with
this
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 statement since
celebrities
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 can influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I intend to support my views before
reasonable
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a reasonable
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 conclusion can be drawn.
Fisrt
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First
 of all,
celebrities
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has
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have
show examples
huge
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a huge
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 fan base of teenagers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these young
people
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 want to repeat after big names.
However
Linking Words
, these famous
people
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not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 always give
good
Change the article
a good
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example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 for teens.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
celebrities
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 can do
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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 noisy things to hype themselves to
public
Correct article usage
the public
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. As we know, wrong major concepts recall very well
for
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by
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people
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.
Hence
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, youth want to be on trend and repeat
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this bad things
Change the determiner
this bad thing
these bad things
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. So, we should be aware when taking the example of a famous person
In addition
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, celebs are considered teen ideals. Young
people
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belives
Correct your spelling
believes
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 that famous
people
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 do not have any minuses. Indeed,
celebrities
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such
Linking Words
 as ordinary
people
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 as we and can have human failings.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they try to hide their flaws and seem perfect.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can photoshop and montage their pictures on social media.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, teenagers can have complexes and self-doubt comparing themselves with famous
people
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.
Furthermore
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,
such
Linking Words
 big names can manage
people
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 to do several actions.
However
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,
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation cannot control themselves and become addicted to their idol's
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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. In conclusion, сelebrities can be role models for the younger generation, but they may not always be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
. In brief, famous
people
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 can do bad things to glorify themselves and seem perfect, which in fact is not true
Submitted by Allazhar on

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